It was only a matter of time, but Delaney is a walker as of 9/10/15! Why haven’t you heard of any other milestones like pulling herself up or crawling or even rolling, you ask? Well, none of those have happened. But, Delaney girl is cruising on the walking front. Continue reading →

It’s something I thought about A L L the time before I got pregnant, but really getting my body back is taking longer than I expected. I was in the shape of my life before I got pregnant, training for the marathon and I’d love to feel that way again. To be honest, my effort has been just about 13% so I can’t actually be that upset. I lost weight really quickly right after delivery and felt *mostly* normal but the time Delaney was 4 months old.

Since then, I’ve had about 5 pounds to go and the weight distribution is all off. This summer, I’ve eaten whatever I wanted as usual (because it’s summer) but am finally starting to workout regularly now that my little friend sleeps at night. All that being said, I have no real ab muscles and it’s starting to bother me and I need to kick it into gear.

So, I’m giving myself a month to get my pre-baby body back. Like, really back. I have one of two Fall half marathons in five weeks, so my goal is to be in shape and not digesting by then:) I’m vowing to cut out most sugar 5 days a week. Sugar is poison to your body and I’d much rather spend my daily calories on a complex carb that will give me energy than on sugar…it’s just a waste and turns into fat way faster than most anything else. And, I’m working on portion control. I eat more than I need in general and while I’ll always be like that, I do know that if I slow down and stop mindlessly eating after dinner, I’d feel so much better.

I’m also challenging myself to do 300 crunches a day. I’m setting an alarm 2x a day (during Delaney’s sleep times) and I’m just going to get down and do some crunches. I have to do a minimum of 150 at each sitting. This is the kind of challenge I used to think people were pathetic for making, but since I can’t just go to the gym whenever I want anymore and my abs are so shot, I truly believe that this simple thing along with eating better and continuing to work out 3-4x a week will help.

Let’s see if it works!

*Update: this did not work;)*

In At just over seven months, Delaney has already been on 18 flights. Yes, 18. That’s completely crazy to me despite the fact that I’ve been on every single one of them. Jordan and I have grown so accustomed to traveling all the time to visit family that it’s second nature, even with a baby. While traveling with Jordan and Delaney together is pretty smooth at all times, doing it alone is a whole different beast. I’ve been fortunate to go one some pretty great vacations with Delaney on my own and I’m proud to say that I’ve finally nailed down a pretty good system of traveling solo.

If you ever have to take a baby on a flight alone, here are my tips for what has worked!

1. Tell people you are traveling alone. They will be nicer. This is a fact. I didn’t do this the first three times I flew alone and once I actually TOLD someone I was alone, the amount of help I received skyrocketed.

2. Check everything and use curbside. Really, aside from the essentials for your travel and a couple backup items in case you lose your luggage, check all the bulk. I used to NEVER check bags because I’m probably the most impatient person on earth and pack really lightly always, but now it’s a life saver and leaves me way more hands-free. If you can do curbside check-in, even better.

3. Pack your carry-on by priority. If you’re going to need it, have it in the front pocket. If you might need it, put it in the middle pocket. If you’re just bringing it for a disaster, shove it under everything else. I keep my nursing cover, two favorite toys, a pacifier and Delaney’s stuffed duck that she sleeps with at the top of my backpack. I stock up a travel changing pad with three diapers and wipes just beneath those essentials and I leave a backup outfit, backup toys, a few extra diapers, infant tylenol and infant nasal spray (yes, for some reason that’s a necessity to me when traveling) at the bottom of the bag.

4. Wear something with secure pockets. I have a travel uniform and it’s not cool. I wear running shoes (less space in luggage used), running capri pants with deep pockets that I wore for the marathon, and some sort of nursing-friendly top. I put my ID and Delaney’s birth certificate in the pockets so they’re right there for me and for some reason, you’ll notice that everyone is giving you something you need to keep like the bag tag, baby’s ticket etc. so they come in handy. Once I get through security, I put them in a specific pocket in my bag right away. I also keep an extra pacifier and my credit card in there — you know for emergencies like a screaming baby and when I need coffee.

5. If you can swing it, ditch the carseat. Obviously in the early days, it’s just impossible to travel without the carseat even if you have one waiting for you at your destination, but if your baby is four months or older, consider investing in a padded car seat bag so you can check it or planning  They’re too itty bitty to hold their heads up and sometimes you need a break from the carrier. If you are getting a rental car, you can book an infant car seat. Or, if you’re taking a shuttle to a hotel, it’s a bus and you can’t use the carseat anyway! Think ahead.

6. Give someone a job at security. If you’re lucky and have a million dollar stroller that breaks down with one click, I’m really happy for you. If you’re like the rest of us, you WILL need help breaking down the stroller or handling your baby or getting things out of your bag at security. Figure out how someone can help you before you get to the airport, choose the nicest looking traveler in line and ask them to help before you get to the madness that is the security scanner belt. I’ve done this a million times and no matter how prepared I am, I still need help. (If it’s a jogger, it won’t fit through the scanner so tell the security person prior to them making you break it down).

7. Prep for gate check at the gate. This is the hardest part of flying alone. Not security or taming the screaming baby on the flight…it’s this. Everyone acts like it’s really simple and it is once you have a system but your first time or two, it can be hard. On my first flight with Delaney alone, I was bumbling around trying to get the car seat detached and the stroller broken down with one arm and absolutely no help while holding a weakling, squirmy baby in the other arm. I was sweating and panicky and it was way more stressful than it needed to be.

So, waste no time when you arrive at the gate. If your baby can’t sit up, bring the bjorn or carrier and put them in it. Get your gate check ticket and spend the time detaching the car seat and putting it into a gate check bag (I used a trash bag…note to self, check to make sure the trash bag is big enough BEFORE getting to the airport). Ask the person at the ticket counter if you can leave the car seat at the top for them to take down. If they won’t, keep the stroller in regular position and put the bagged carseat in the stroller and break it down when you get to the bottom. If they will take the carseat, the easiest thing to do is to break down your stroller before checking in for the flight and simply carrying it down. Oh, I don’t use a stroller bag for gate check anymore…so sue me…but it saves a ton of hassle.

8. Change into an overnight diaper prior to flight. Using the tiny airplane bathroom to change a baby’s diaper is annoying, but totally fine if you need it. When Delaney was a month or two old, I was always changing her diaper a million times but then I realized that was a lot of hassle for no real reason. I started putting her in an overnight diaper right before I boarded the plane and not changing her unless it was REALLY necessary (read: poop). Not to mention, when your baby is in the 95% for height, you can basically only fit her torso on the bathroom changing table and it smells. So…

9. Time feedings and naps if possible. By the time I get on a plane, Delaney is always starving so I can usually nurse her (also a fun activity with a baby giant kicking my newest neighbor) on the way up or down to help her ears. And after that, she will eventually fall asleep if only for a little bit. The great thing about airplanes is that they are essentially giant white noise machines so sleep usually happens at some point. If feeding times don’t align, try to offer something to suck on like a pacifier or teether on your way up or down to alleviate the ear pressure.

10. Ask for help. To be perfectly honest, this was my biggest mistake on all the early trips on my own. I was so scattered and just wanted to make sure I got to the gate on time and got Delaney fed etc. that I never asked anyone for help.

Today, I’m pausing. I’m pausing to take in these little moments with Delaney and to enjoy them. I can already tell it’s going by so fast. Too fast.

She’s busy and wants to move. For 90% of the day, I’m simply her vehicle to getting where she wants to go and that’s standing and moving. She can’t crawl, can’t even roll, but this girl is determined to walk. I won’t be surprised if it happens soon. And with that, I feel so excited to see her take on the world of toddler-dom while at the same time, I can’t even believe we’re anywhere near that.

For so much of our days, Delaney is turning into a little kid. There are fewer and fewer moments that I feel like I have a baby. Every day, though, she reminds me that she’s still so small when she’s tired. She rubs her eyes, reaches for me, wants her paci, snuggles her stuffed duck, and nuzzles into me in the most precise way when she’s about to go to sleep. I love every ounce of these times and this morning, I’m so thankful for this perfect fit. As I rocked her in the rocking chair this morning, I sat for longer than usual and just relaxed, reminding myself that the cleaning, the job searching and the worrying can wait.

I am so tired so much of the time and feel the pangs of anxiety about the future of my career, the future of my friendships, the future of our family and just about everything else. But, today especially, I just want to embrace this time. I am so, so lucky to have this sweet girl and a husband who loves me and her with all of his heart. I am so thankful to live in this amazing city, to have traveled so much with family this summer, to have loyal friends who haven’t yet forgotten me since I became a mom, to have so many new friends through motherhood, and at least for now, to have time with my baby this summer that so many new moms would die for.

Today, I just want to enjoy this perfect fit.

Motherhood is an adventure and as someone who is already somewhat sensitive to criticism (ok, a lot sensitive sometimes), the judgment of others has been a wild ride already. Because people are judging, always.

I judge other moms all the time. That’s not to say that I think what they’re doing is wrong, but I definitely see things that other moms do and think, “Oh man, I would never do that” or “Why are they doing that if it’s making their life so much harder?” or even, “I bet he or she would stop crying if…” But you know what? That’s not fair.

I don’t know what their morning was like. I don’t know if she’s been struggling with postpartum depression so furiously that she just can’t get out of bed. I don’t know what will happen if that baby doesn’t go to sleep precisely at 1:15 in her crib. I don’t know how hard she tried to finally show up on time just to find her son had pooped all over the stroller. I don’t know how many tears that mom has shed over the fact that her baby won’t take a bottle for a babysitter. I don’t know how many times she has tried to get the baby to eat solids to no avail. I just don’t know.

And here’s the thing, I’m probably wrong in my judgements a lot of the time. I could also be totally right a lot of the time. But in the end, who cares? Why do I care what someone else is doing, why do other people care what I’m doing, and why, oh why, do I let other people’s judgement bother me? I really don’t know.

I feel like I’ve been in a constant hustle to prove that we are good. To prove that I’m totally crushing this parenting thing. To prove that we can be everywhere and do everything. It’s really no different than I am in my work and in my personal life. I want people to think I’m easy. I want people to think I’m flexible. I want people to think I’ve got this. But above all else, I just want people to say good job.

I’ve felt so much anxiety about so many little things because of this. One day, someone asked me if I was excited about a trip with friends. My knee jerk response was, “Yeah, I’m so excited, just nervous.”

“Why?”, she asked.

“Well, I just don’t know how Delaney’s gonna sleep and if she’s gonna freak out. Ugh, I don’t know, I just don’t want to be judged if I have to take her home early from dinner,” I said, immediately stressed.

“Well, who cares? They’re going to judge you anyway.”

**The clouds parted and I felt more free than ever in my life**

She was so right. No matter how much I stress, no matter how perfect Delaney behaves, no matter what happens, people are going to judge no matter what. So why even worry? Why not just take it in stride and enjoy my life?

If Delaney cries and I have to leave in a tizzy, so what? If Delaney’s a dream and it’s still a lot of work for me to keep her that way, so what about that too? People will find something to judge, but my reaction is the only thing I can control.

I don’t have to get defensive. My priority is my baby and more importantly, I want my priority to be not just her happiness but my own. If it makes me happier to leave before a meltdown, I should just do it. If it makes me happier to push her limits, skip nap time, and enjoy the company of my friends before she has an absolute meltdown? I should do that too. Because maybe she won’t!

There are so many things to worry about as a Mom and I’m really hoping other people judging my actions stops being one of them. It’s a waste of my energy.

A year ago was terrifying. I lost my job. I was pregnant. I had a broken ankle. I was so concerned about how my life was about to change once I had a baby and was stripped away from my routine, my friends, and all I knew as my life.

I always hoped and dreamed that I would find one new mom friend once I had a baby. Someone to hang out with while on maternity leave. Someone to discuss our challenges with. Maybe even someone to go for a walk with once a week.

What I’ve found is so much greater than I could have ever imagined.

I have a community of new moms, new friends, and what feels like an endless list of friends for my little girl.

Lucky for me, three of my grad school friends were pregnant at the same time as I was. Two are now out of state, but the bond I feel with all three of them now is so much stronger than I ever imagined. Out of a class of 33 people, I feel so extremely lucky to have chosen Emerson, not just for the master’s degree, but also to meet these women who I get to share this journey with.

But, in my neighborhood, I really had nobody. So, once I had Delaney, I knew I wanted to go to the North End New Mom’s group to simply prove to myself I could get out of the house with her.

Years ago, I found out about this group and that they met on Thursday mornings at the community center. Better yet, it was free. I was close to going while pregnant just to see what it was like but never did.

Alas, in January, I bundled up my seven-week-old baby and trudged through the Boston winter to the community center. I was 45 minutes late, Delaney had gotten heat rash in the dead of winter from her snow suit, but I got there. I met one new mom immediately and to my comfort, many others strolled in even later than I was. *Thank God, I’m not the only one who takes forever to get out the door.* All their babies were the same age (born in August) and they all had it together, way more than I did. But, I can tell you that instantly, I felt like I was going to be OK.

Not only were these moms not insane, they were friendly and so welcoming. After group, they all went to the Living Room for lunch with the babies. At that age, Delaney slept all day so it was an obvious yes for me to join them. From then on, I’ve hung out with these girls multiple times a week and I really cannot imagine my life without them.

We go to lunch, go to story time at the library, go to music class, take walks, do stroller bootcamp, shop the clearance rack at Baby Gap, attend baby birthday parties, take day trips together, go to the pool, weather the winter storms, talk about parenting, snoop on babysitters, support each other’s careers, ask for advice, offer advice, and do everything we can to be there for each other and our babies. I love these girls and I love their babies.

If you had asked me a year ago what I’d be doing now, I would have told you that best case scenario included me having a healthy baby and one mom friend. I’m so, so happy that I got that healthy baby and an entire village to help raise her with me.

It’s flying people…really flying. I can’t believe our baby girl is 8 months old already. People always say that it flies and of the many cliches, it’s the one people incessantly harp on and for good reason.

The past month has been WILD. Delaney and I went on a 19 day adventure sans Jordan and despite it being one of the greatest trips ever, it was a haze as she slept VERY little the entire time. Looking back, I really loved it but it was tough to enjoy every moment while we were gone.

Here’s what girlfriend is doing these days:

– She has TWO teeth (bottom) that came in on June 18-25. She was furious about the whole thing:)

– She can pull herself up to standing if you offer your hands

– She still loves love loves to stand and refuses to do anything normal like rolling over

– She stomps her feet in the standing position and will walk one foot in front of the other

– She is TAN. I know, this is terrible but I swear I drench her in sunscreen. She has little tan lines in her leg roll creases, which is quite possibly the cutest thing ever.

– She feeds herself puffs, yogurt melts, pieces of pickles (yeah, weird), and greek yogurt. Eats with her left hand…there’s hope for you Burkes!

– She has been on 20 flights! Insane, right?

– Drum roll please…she sleeps through the night. I will dedicate an entire post to this but yes, it’s happening. And praise the Lord for it.

That’s our girl at eight months. She just keeps getting better.

Throughout my pregnancy, Jordan and I were so convinced (as were strangers, doctors, family etc) that we were having a boy. I carried high (and FAR out) and I spent the final months getting pointed at by mostly men, oddly enough, telling me “It’s a boy!”, “You know that’s a boy right?”, and “Oh, he’s coming any minute!” It was very bizarre but even in the hospital while being induced for forever, all the midwives and nurses would comment that they voted Boy.

Aside from a few key people (my sister Megan and friend Laura most notably), the only person who really believed and bet on Delaney being a girl was the midwife who delivered her, Crystal. I could dedicate an entire post to her alone because she was so great, but Crystal left us Wednesday night telling me “I’ll be back tomorrow at 7am, but you’ll have your baby by then so I’ll try to come see you in recovery.” I loved her so much — and I think Delaney did too, because I was STILL in labor come the morning.

But, I digress. I’ve always wanted a baby. Always. And for so many reasons, I loved the idea of having a girl. A girl to teach sports to, to dance with, to color with, to craft with, to dress up, and to bond with in ways that would be so different from boys. That being said, there was a moment in time during my pregnancy while away in Maine that it dawned on me that I could be a parent of a boy. It was crazy and from then on, I was sure of it. 

Of course, we had no boy names, no real plan for a bris/no bris etc, and I figured that since we were unprepared, surely that’s what we’d have.

When I delivered Delaney, Jordan called out the gender. Due to sleeplessness, anxiety, trauma from what he just saw, and probably the certainty that Delaney would be a boy – he called “It’s a boy!” Crystal quickly said, “Um, try again.” And both of us were shocked.

I couldn’t believe it and for almost a month after her birth, Jordan and I had a hard time not calling her “baby” or “it.”

While I truly, honestly had no preference at all and really just wanted a healthy baby, it was so fun not finding out the gender and I was SO excited to learn we had a girl. Not to mention, I girl that looked almost identical to her Dad instantly.

We love our girl and couldn’t imagine a life without her.

My wishes for her are many and I’ll share those in another post of its own.

Everyone has their thing. I have this thing about thank you notes. Everyone who has ever given me anything has received one. And not only that, they always receive it in a timely manner according to etiquette and it’s always thoughtful. I actually take time to write them and consider who I’m sending it to. That said, I find that I’m asked on a bajillion occasions if I a) have received a gift that I just got or b) sent that person a thank you note.

Just because you haven’t gotten a thank you note doesn’t mean I don’t care. It means that I’m busy taking care of my child. I’m sounding like a jerk and I really don’t mean to. I can’t even begin to express how thoughtful and generous people have been throughout my life and especially with Delaney. But, being hounded for thank you notes makes me feel like I’m only receiving things for my child in order to validate someone’s wishes for being thanked. This is a common new mom dilemma that I know for certain I don’t handle well, so thought I’d share my thoughts.

I am over the moon by the generosity and like I said, feel extremely lucky. But here’s what I’d like to share with you, person who is asking someone to ask me if I got the package, about what I’m doing instead of promptly sending a note.

1. Essential life duties. This means if I haven’t gone to the bathroom, taken a shower, brushed my teeth, had a giant mug of coffee or put on something other than what I slept in, I certainly won’t be spending my precious time writing a note.
2. Resolving one of my hundreds of insurance claims. Do you realize how many phone calls and minutes on hold I’ve spent in the last year resolving what happens when you change insurances at the very same time you have a baby?
3. Exercising. Because I’m nine months into this parenting thing and I’m still fatter than I was when I got pregnant.
4. Ordering something on Amazon. That’s right. Because in the city, where you pay a million dollars to park a mile away from your home and you have a baby, getting in the car and bringing in essential items like diapers or toilet paper just can’t be done.
5. Pumping. I pump three times a day in order to get a 20 minute break before Delaney goes to bed and let Jordan get alone time with her.
6. Cleaning up. Between the diapers, the food on the floor and the 16 outfits Jordan and Delaney wear on any given day, I’m hustling just to make it not seem like a bomb went off in here.
7. Prepping for dinner. There’s no such thing as a 30 minute meal when you are home alone with a baby. I get 5 minutes at a time, so when that happens, I do something so that I get to have a normal dinner with a side of conversation with Jordan once Delaney goes to sleep.
8. Calling my [insert any immediate or distant family member]. We are long distance from every single person we’re related to and as you may or may not know, that’s sad and hard to deal with sometimes. I work hard to stay in touch and even though I feel like I do a really good job, I still don’t feel up to date with anyone.
9. Looking for a job. I’m unemployed and it can’t stay that way. I try to make some sort of effort every day to find some employment…which ends up meaning a lot of emails, chats, and time with very little to show for it.
10. Being the best darn Mom I can be. When Delaney is awake, I’m on 100%. She is everything to me and I’ve spent the last nine months embracing her and our family life as much as I can. We go to the park, we dance, we go swimming, we go to music class, we test out every single library that’s in striking distance on the train, we meet Jordan for lunch or coffee, we hang out with our incredible city friends and babies, and we make memories.

I get pretty bent out of shape about things like thank you notes and that’s really my own problem. That said, it makes me feel like I don’t matter and that my role as a Mom is less important than the urgency our world feels. If you’re waiting for a thank you note from me, it’s on its way. And I love every gesture you’ve made toward me, my family and our sweet baby girl. I promise we’re enjoying every ounce of your gift and when I finally get a chance to take a break from making her happy, I P R O M I S E, you’ll get your note.