Dear Baby Burke,

On the eve of your due date, I’m so beyond excited to meet you and extremely nervous to embark on this journey as a mother of two. This pregnancy has been so special as I know so much more this time how incredible you will be, how much endless love I have to give you, and the confidence in our strength as a family unit.

Being the second will be very different than being our first child, and let me just put this claim out there now, but I bet it’s going to work in your favor. Your Daddy and I haven’t really known what we’re doing (and we still don’t) with your big sister, but she has shown us that we absolutely love being parents in ways even we didn’t know.

I’ve waited for the day to become a mom since I was really young. I love it even more than I thought I would, but not always for the same reasons I thought I would. It’s is wildly, wildly harder than I ever imagined, but there is also so much more to the joys of parenthood than I could fathom prior to becoming a Mom. Babies are cute, duh, but there’s something about building a family that takes my breath away. Adding you to our family is our latest and greatest adventure and it’s going to transform us into an even more definitive unit and I can’t wait to see how you contribute.

In this pregnancy, I’ve spent lots and lots of time soaking up my one-on-one time with your big sister because it will be a big change for all of us. In this time, I’ve learned a lot about myself, a lot about how I want to parent, and feel far more prepared to be what you need me to be.

To tell you more about Delaney: She is the most caring and compassionate toddler I know. She talks to you and about you all the time, she hugs you through my tummy, she kisses you, she tells me she wants you to come out, she plans on “rocking you to sleep” and “singing you songs”, she wants to teach you how to walk since you won’t know how when you arrive, she thinks it’s silly that you’ll drink milk from me and has lots of questions about what you’re going to eat, she yearns to read to you, and she can’t wait to play with you. Your sister can be bossy and she’s probably going to tell you what to do a lot, and I urge both of you to talk to one another, make eye contact, listen when the other one is speaking, and give one another the benefit of the doubt if you get into an argument. I hope you’ll always strive to be your own person, to learn from Delaney’s strengths and mistakes, and most of all, that you both will want to spend time as a family and time with one another. We are all going to be learning about one another and adjusting to this new world together. I hope you’ll stay patient with us as we grow and I already feel so lucky to be your mom.

Your Dad: He’s the best! Really, you’ll see this early on and you will have so much fun with him, you’ll feel safe with him always, and he will make you laugh as soon as he possibly can. Daddy is sweet, impeccably patient, willing to do or play just about anything at any given time, and kind of a pushover with your sister (ok, and me) — but if I’m being honest, it’s because we all need him to be. If he didn’t give in to me or Delaney sometimes, our entire family would be a different dynamic and it’s because of how caring and selfless your Dad is that all manage to get through tough emotions, tough days and more. He really loves hugs and would really really appreciate if you didn’t scream when he gets you from your crib, gives you a bath, or tries to feed you. Please be kind to him, don’t take him for granted, always hug him back, and say thank you. He will never let you down.

Me: It’s unfair to give you an assessment of myself but this is my blog, so that’s all we’ve got:) What I can promise is that I will always protect you, challenge you, teach you to be thoughtful, expect you to be polite, enjoy you with every ounce of me that I can, work hard to be present with you, listen to you, be adventurous with you, and love you with all my heart. I can be intense, a worrier, a hard worker, a disciplinarian, and a total pushover all at the same time. What I’ve learned the most in the last 3 years or so is that I love this time as a Mom of young kids and while I will need to learn as I go, I’m much more in tune with being present with you, your sister and your Dad than I am about dedicating physical and mental energy to everything else in life. I hope to encourage your relationship with God and teach you to be faithful, to incorporate both your Dad’s and my religious traditions (and new ones) into our family as thoughtfully as possible, and offer a strong spiritual foundation for all of us.

I can’t wait to meet you, to hold you, to love  you wholly, and to be your Mom. We’ve dreamed of you and it’s incredible to think that you’ll be here with us soon.

I love you forever and ever my sweet baby,

Mommy

Parenting is emotional and as a highly sensitive human being to begin with, it’s no surprise to me that I’ve found the entire journey filled with extremes in happiness, excitement, humor, sadness, anxiety and everything in between. Life can be heavy and raising a sweet human in this sometimes scary, sometimes tragic, sometimes unbelievable glorious world is bound to have its ups and downs.

I’ve lived 30 years as a sensitive, emotional person and for Delaney, my sweet sensitive girl, I want you to know that this is OK. Emotions are good, sometimes especially when they are heavy.

You are such an incredible combination of your Dad and me and I feel so lucky to be your mom. You should also know that from what we can tell so far, you get lots of your emotion from me. This is going to make life feel hard sometimes and if you want to blame me, I don’t blame you. I blame Mimi for my own set of emotional capacities.

But here’s what I don’t want you to do. Don’t push them away. Being sensitive and filled with emotion is what makes us the kind of people we are. It makes us alive. It makes us bold. It makes us thoughtful, sometimes painfully so, and it makes us feel for people around us in a way that millions of people on this earth could benefit from.

As I prepare for our second baby, my emotions are heightened in ways I honestly didn’t know possible. I thought I’d really maxed out in that department after, like I mentioned, 30 years of feeling all of the emotions. But alas, here I am.

I feel excited to grow our family. I feel anxious to meet your sibling, yet panicked by the short amount of time we have left with you as our one and only baby. I feel heavy pangs of fear about the future of this world, about the life we’re building the best we know how, about relationships that will change as we continue to grow, and above all else, about the unknown. At its simplest definition, I feel tired of feeling sometimes. I find that life would be easier if I just said “Who cares?” and I’m sure for many people, that’s why they live this way. But here’s the thing, it’s just flat out not going to happen for me. Perhaps as you grow, you will be able to say who cares more than I can and to be honest, I find myself working hard for this to be true. Having said that, if you find that you can’t, I know that the passion I feel for life, for people, for my work, for your Dad, for our families, for my health, for my dreams, for the gifts of fresh air and sunshine, for God, for your future sibling, and for you my sweet, sweet, sweet thing – this passion will always outweigh the heavy.

Without the dark, the light is not as bright. Without the fear, relaxation feels less like a gift. Without the hard, the easy isn’t nearly as sweet. And for me, I find that true, sincere compassion and understanding for what others might be going through even if you can’t possibly put yourself in their shoes in a tangible way, is one of the greatest gifts of sensitivity. I see this gift in you so often, even in your two-year-old world, that it amazes me.

You are curious beyond belief. You are aware and tuned into your surroundings that makes certain parts of life seem overwhelming (like someone other than Mommy or Daddy holding you) or scary (like why on earth is a person dressed up as Santa Claus) or sad (when a friend leaves a playdate). You are kind when a new friend is sad at school and misses his or her mommy, you are gentle with your dolls, you are inquisitive when it comes to understanding why someone does something – good or bad. You are sensitive and thoughtful beyond that of a typical two-year-old (not that I’m biased or anything) and your innate ability to wonder about what others are doing or feeling is something I hope you never lose.

To be harsh or mean or cruel or just simply rude is to negate the needs and sensitivity of others and I, for one, pray that you can find peace in knowing that no matter how ugly this world can get, there are lots and lots of people who are beautiful, kind, grateful, and sensitive. Sometimes, in fact, all they need is someone like you to remind them of what it means to feel.

Many people will point fingers. They will excuse their behavior for circumstances beyond their control. They may not be grateful. They may not consider your feelings. They may offer no apology or worse, place the blame on your sensitivity by saying things like “I’m sorry I made you feel that way” instead of taking responsibility for their actions. And for sensitive people like me (and perhaps you one day), this can feel heavy.

What I want you to always remember is that to feel deeply is to live. When it feels exciting, I hope you’ll share your joy with me. When it feels scary, I hope you’ll share your worry with me. When it feels sad, I hope you’ll share your tears with me. And when I’m the one making you feel all of the above, I pray you’ll never shy away from me. Because I promise you this, if you are feeling it, I have felt it and while I may not be able to fix the issue, I promise you from the depths of my soul that you are never, ever alone.

It’s pretty clear that I haven’t used this blog as much as I intended, but that’s typically the case with a lot of things. I’ve documented Delaney’s every day the past year on her own Instagram account, which has been one of my favorite activities (but time-consuming, leaving little room for this). But, there’s only so much that the daily updates can capture.

What Jordan and I haven’t been able to capture much of is our relationship with Delaney, our family love, and the way our lives have been shaped over the past year. We are unbelievably obsessed with our sweet girl and spend an inordinate amount of time recalling every thing she does, discussing our observations of her, and so often saying the phrases “She’s the best girl”, “Ugh, I love her”, “I love our family” and “She’s unbelievable” (for the good and the bad).

We’ve built a life with her that we never could have imagined being possible. We have so much fun doing nothing and everything, we travel often, we enjoy the city, and we experience the outdoors and new things as much as humanly possible. She makes the simplest things seem amazing and has truly given us a new perspective on everything that surrounds us – she makes friends with strangers, makes jungle gyms out of a simple path, stands in awe of animals playing, and so much more.

At Two, Delaney is talking a mile a minute – telling us all of her feelings (lots of them), her wants, her needs, and a whole buncha other ridiculously funny snippets. She is bold, she is brave, she is incredibly caring, she is dramatic, she is stubborn, she is habitual, she is so unbelievably sweet, she is smart, and she is so much funnier than we could have ever dreamed she’d be. We love her beyond all words and feel so lucky to have her in our lives.

Stats: 28.6lbs and 33 inches tall

Favorites:

• Running
• Jumping/ running on the couch
• The playground (any of them)
• Bike rides (in the backseat)
• School
• Her pack of 12+ animals that come to and from her crib
• Her crib (ironic, right!?) and sleeping
• Watching videos of herself
• Her cousins, friends, grandparents (particularly Emme and Mimi)
• Tea parties
• Trains and Buses – watching them, riding them, talking about them etc.
• PUPPIES!
• Cooking “Papa with Cheese” and “Pizza Day” for everyone (takes the money from her back pocket)
• Thomas and Friends
• Chuggington
• PB&J
• Cucumbers
• Pasta with Cheese & Pizza Day
• Frosted Mini Wheats
• Changing her animals’ diapers
• Hide and seek
• Being chased or scared
• Doing the same thing over and over again
• Saying the same thing over and over again
• Airports
• Books: Twinkle, twinkle; I can Drive (thomas), I Love You So, Snuggle Puppy, Chicka Chicka Boom Boom, Thank You Bear, The Very Hungry Caterpillar,
• Songs: Twinkle (Uppa Budda), ABCs (LMNOPs), Wheels on the Bus,

Strong Dislikes:

• Being kissed or hugged when not in the mood
• People invading her space
• When we don’t understand what she’s saying or asking us to do
• The word No
• All other foods than those listed above

Habits:

• Bottle before bed
• Asking for Mom when she wakes up (after months of Dad)
• Handing her 12+ animals to mom one by one and her blanket to hold while also carrying her down the stairs
• Naming all animals very logical names (bunny, mo’ bunny, ditty bunny) (puppies, puppy, new puppy)
• Not being AS angry when she wakes up
• Takes naps regularly (recent change)
• Cannot fathom someone eating something different than she is
• Sitting on someone’s lap during meals (despite valiant efforts against it)
• Falls asleep in the car or screams (no middle ground)
• Sleeps on stomach and uses millions of animals as her pillow
• Reading/mimicking all words to her favorite books (listed above)
• Starts many songs in the middle

Favorite Sayings (this is an impossible list)

• Umm..when asked a question or looking for something
• I’ll be right back
• “Oks?”
• Pluralizing nearly everything (currently) – but always Mommies and Daddies
• Chew, chew (with her hand on your chin)
• One second
• I not coming
• Close the doe (close the door)
• I doe it
• I no like dat
• Papa with cheese
• Pba Jelly
• I hungee
• Payganz (Playground)
• Whayya Doin?
• I see you!
• Whey Aryooo?
• Kib (crib)
• What’s dat Noeeeeze?
• It’s not yoz, it’s mine
• I sit down, Mommies (I want to sit down on Mommy)
• Imma Do It
• Doo doo (thank you)
• Peez (please)
• See ya in a minute!
• See ya lataz
• Pizza Day (pizza)

Delaney is 1 and half! She is a full-blown toddler these days and every moment feels like we need to be filming or photographing or documenting…but in reality, if we did that, she’d be jumping off playgrounds, trying to kiss aggressive dogs, and running full speed into city traffic. Therefore, we get some GREAT pics and video, but we really need to rely on our daily anecdotes and blog posts to hold on to these fleeting moments.

We moved! Delaney is doing amazing with the transition (shockingly) and we are approaching another transition to a different school to make life easier. I’d be lying if I said I was writing this on time, so to be clear, it’s June and we’ve been here for almost two months now. Delaney LOVES our new house, loves her own room, and is adjusting to not being able to play on the deck by herself:)

Over the past few months, we’ve seen Delaney’s personality develop even more. She is even funnier, even smarter, and even more capable of going from 0-60 in a good OR bad way at the drop of  a hat. She has her extreme likes, dislikes and don’t cares…but what those are depend on the day, really. If you asked us what Delaney’s favorite X is, it really depends on the day. But, here’s what we’ve learned about our sweet girl and her current trends.

• She weighs 24 lbs, is 31 inches tall and still wears size 18m.
• She’s just starting to really be able to climb playgrounds and go up and down those tricky steps on her own
• She eats 100lbs of fruit per week
• She eats other things 2-3x a week
• Wants to eat everything with “dip” (syrup) – we blame this on packing at the move because we literally gave her waffles and syrup every morning for 2 months. Whoops!
• She doesn’t love to share, who does
• She is starting to repeat words we say
• She really LOVES school and we’re hoping she loves the new one as much
• Falls asleep when in transit via stroller or car all the time– but still takes really really lame naps at home (great ones at school)
• Sleeps from 8:30pm-5:15/5:30am. This is our new normal and we’re trying to just deal with it and stop whining
• She loves to dance
• She calls the TV Elmo, but really mostly watches Curious George every morning at 6:30
• She still loves Gerard, but has added Bunny and Pluto to the mix (all three at a time, usually)
• Will take an extra moment to think before confidently saying “NO!” to something, usually with a smirk
• Loves hockey and is getting good at it!
• Mimics Morgan and says “Ummmm” a lot when Morgan is almost always looking for something
• Says “no no no” and wags her finger at you
• Says and signs “outside” all day…and always wants to leave anywhere she is
• Says head, hat, eyes, nose, mouth, ears
• Points to cars, boats and airplanes and makes similar noises to those words
• Says poop and points to her butt when she wants to be changed, then signs “change”
• Rambles on in nonsense while talking with her hands

Delaney is so funny, it makes it very difficult to tame her ridiculous demands and toddler-isms. We are doing our best trying to reel in the bad habits, but we are also spending more time trying to just enjoy her and how funny she is. Raising a strong-willed child is daunting, but we feel really lucky that she’s confident, resilient, and can (usually) take what she dishes out. Being her parents is the best thing in the world – we can’t wait to enjoy Summer in our new neighborhood as a family!

As I approach my 30th birthday, I’ve been thinking about where I am in life and how I feel about the life I’ve established. Since grad school alone, I’ve changed so much. I’ve learned so much about myself, have found an independence I never considered having, and most of all, have built some of the best friendships I’ve ever had.

Moving to Boston was a risk I thought would be short-lived. I anticipated coming here for 2 years exactly and moving back to Maryland the day after grad school graduation. But, I didn’t. I stayed and I am so glad I did.

It’s sad, yes, that I’m not near family. But, I strongly believe that had I returned home, I’d have missed out on building so many of the relationships I have here, the independence I’ve gained here, and the confidence I’ve earned here. Growing up, I was the youngest. I had leaders everywhere I went and I was very much a follower. I wanted to follow rules, to be liked, to be good, to be impressive, but also, I often felt I went unnoticed.

I was good at things and came out of my shell a LOT once I was comfortable with someone or something, but I was painfully anxious, painfully shy at times, and never felt cool enough. I think most people feel this way, especially in adolesence. But the way I thought about it then was that I just wasn’t going to be the prettiest one, I just wasn’t going to have the boyfriend, I just wasn’t going to be skinny enough, I just wasn’t going to have the MOST friends, I just wasn’t going to be the All American, and so on. I accepted that I was average, and really, I was OK with it.

Lots of people peak in middle school and high school. It’s not that I wasn’t popular or talented or smart, I just wasn’t the BEST. I always felt like I had to work harder (I often did), and try harder to be liked etc. But when I look around now (mostly thanks to Facebook), I am confident that being “average” or feeling that way at least growing up is what helped me get to this place of peace, happiness and confidence that I’m at now.

I am still 100% anxious, insecure and feel the need to please a lot, but not nearly as much as I used to. And when I look around, the people who had it easy are the ones struggling now. This makes me sad for them and I’m sure they will come into their own over time and that this is just a dip, but this age can be very tough.

My hope for Delaney is that she can learn from my own hindsight (thought I’m pretty sure that’s not possible). I want her to know that no matter how she feels about her life, her friends, her talents, her faults, or anything in between, that she will be OK. Everyone always gets their turn to feel confident and successful and well-liked. It’s just a matter of when you get that shot. There will be times when you don’t feel good about yourself or don’t think you’re ever going to be as impressive as the next person or don’t think you will ever get a companion or great group of friends, but I promise you that you will. I can also promise that I will support you through the tough time but that in order for you to gain the perspective, you will definitely experience a tough time. Everyone does and that’s OK. Knowing what it feels like to be lonely or excluded or put down is tough, but it makes us better people. Without knowing these feelings, we can’t appreciate when we have the opposite.

Be confident, my girl, and when you encounter mean girls or boys, feel isolated from the popular group, have to study hours longer to get a worse grade, or just don’t know why you didn’t make the starting line up, know that these trials will lead you to the person you are meant to be. You are meant to be strong, you are meant to be confident, and you are meant to be happy — all of these things will come. Just be patient. I love you with all my heart.

We move in three days and I can’t even bring myself to believe it. Amidst the absolute mayhem that is packing, moving and parenting a child, I couldn’t help but take a few minutes to paint a picture of our life here in the North End that we’ve loved so much. I know I’m sounding dramatic here, but I want Delaney to maintain memories of this wonderful place and I hope this blog can serve as a place for that.

We are moving a mile away so while I feel like our life is going to be completely different, I know we will be in the NE all the time – I’m basically in Charlestown every day at the moment and you’d never even know.

Ever since I visited Boston in April of 2008 to see Emerson (grad school), my Dad and I decided I’d live in the North End. Back then, it wasn’t a possibility but I finally moved here after two years and Jordan and I have loved every second. We got engaged here, bought our first home here, had our first baby here, and became some semblance of adults here. We love it so much and there is not one other place in the world I could have imagined having our baby. Being a new mom here is a dream and the fact that I ended up meeting the most incredible friends ever was an immense bonus I had never expected. The conveniences of city living are something I will never take for granted and it’s because of that that we’re making the move to Charlestown. The alternative was moving to a smaller place in the North End, growing out of it, and ending up in the suburbs because we’d be priced out of Charlestown. Making this move now, before we’re ready to leave downtown, is only hard right now — this move allows us to stay city-folk for as long as we want! Having three bedrooms, parking, great schools, walkability to everything we could ever need, and even more families are all reasons we chose the neighborhood – but there are definite changes we need to adjust to (albeit all minor in the grande scheme of things).

These are the little things (and big) that I love so much about the North End. I’m not going to say I’ll miss these things because I’ll be able to do all of them…just in a little more time and some of it with more planning.

• Being so close to the water that there are seagulls out our windows all year long
• Being able to walk less than a block and reach a park, coffee shops, Neptune Oyster, hardware store, library and every other thing we’d ever need or walk
• Being able to walk 5-10 minutes and reach 4 more parks, BP and Gap, the BPM, CVS, more coffee!, and 819 restaurants
• Jordan being able to walk to work in 20 min
• Me being able to walk 10 minutes to the gym, which serves as my out of home office (don’t tell them!)
• Being walking distance to daycare for D
• Polcari’s coffee shop where we buy our beans in bulk
• Having to pay cash at 90% of the places here
• Spending our afternoons running into or impulsively meeting up with friends in 30 seconds flat
• Walking to the Marriott and having a cocktail while Delaney (and sometimes her friends) run around the lobby
• The Harborwalk
• The Mirabella pool and all of it’s glory
• Story time at the library when Delaney was a baby
• The community center where I first met my mom friends (and Delaney’s first friends)
• Being a stone’s throw from every T line – making my life so much easier! (THIS I will miss to much)
• Hanging out in the Greenway fountains and swinging benches with Delaney – throughout the day or meeting Jordan there after work is just the best
• Delaney walking through the streets and knowing which direction the parks are:) The cutest thing.
• Looking out the window with Delaney and talking about the seagulls, birds, cars, people, snow, rain, etc. Not the prettiest view (a parking lot:)) but I’ll miss it still.
• Our brick walls and the months and months of sitting on the family room and kitchen floors playing with the Delaney, dancing to music, practicing her first steps, racing back and forth, playing hide and seek in the curtains, scaring each other from behind every wall or curtain.
• Dare I say, sharing a room with Delaney? It’s all we’ve ever known and while it’s damn near killed us to share a room with a non-sleeping baby, I am going to have a hard time adjusting to not being able to hear her every move or see her right before we get in bed (I know, this is what monitors are for)
• The way we’ve ridiculously had to deal with our one bedroom – making no noise, taping the curtain to the wall so our bedroom is darker for her naps, never flushing toilets so we don’t wake her, the heart-racing feeling we get when she wakes up in the middle of the night and we have to play dead, and never taking a shower, doing dishes, doing laundry or watching TV at a normal volume.

Our life is so easy here and I’m terrified for the change. I know this is going to be our best adventure yet, but leaving this amazing place is so hard. We would live here forever if we could have more space, but it’s just not a possibility and I am so thankful that we were able to have all the time we did here. Delaney loves it here so much, too, and I hope she’s always a proud North End original.

We had the best Easter weekend with family! We traveled to MD for some egg dyeing, tons of cousin time, and of course, two Easter Egg hunts after a couple visits from the Bunny himself. Delaney loves Easter, from what we could tell. She mostly liked that it involved a lot of walking through plants and bushes that we would typically ask her not to do. She spent some quality time with the family puppies, most notably Rocki, and loved having new places to run around. She may have won the hunt at Meemaw and Granddaddy’s but that’s only because she can’t understand the importance of winning yet and we feel the need to ingrain that in her…we wouldn’t want to raise a good sport or anything.

Life is a whirlwind. But, instead of stating the obvious (since everyone’s life is…not just ours) I’ll instead share what’s been happening and what lies ahead for us. We do have a lot of exciting things going on right now – my goal is the figure out a way to enjoy it all instead of letting it weigh on me like a suffocating cloud.

With my new job, things are going incredibly. I love it. It’s the happiest I’ve been in a long time at work and I truly feel like I’m doing something I was made for. Combining my love for parenting, marketing, and B2C focus has always been my passion and it’s exciting to come back to this side of marketing after a while away. The added bonus is how much I’m learning – not having the crutch of a large team or even a true manager to help me with stuff is just what I needed to take more risks. Here’s to hoping we make this business grow!

On the home front, we’re moving! We have a month left at our favorite place in the whole world before we move, well, a mile away. While the distance isn’t extreme (thankfully!), it’s definitely going to be a big change for us…getting to the actual move will be the hardest part but all exciting stuff.

And then there’s our girl – she’s a firecracker these days. She’s so fun to watch. She is an actual person now with serious interests, ridiculous demands, and sporadic dislikes. Recently, she has a lot of funny things that I’m sure we’ll forget even though they all seem like such constants of her personality.

Her typical day involves lots of activities! She usually wakes up at 5am after 8.5 hours of sleep, we let her cry and/or lay her back down until 5:45-6am if we can, she has a bottle (yes, still), and we read books to kick off the day. We watch Curious George at 6:30am, have breakfast of a waffle/fruit at 7:30am and try to do something fun inside for a couple hours before she demands to leave. She loves to be outside – and kinda hates being home. That said, it’s all about habit for her. Once she has breakfast, she wants to put on her hat and shoes immediately and brings our shoes to us to we can leave. She does the sign for outside, which also pretty much means she’s done with whatever she’s doing at the moment. She likes to walk herself to the park so explaining safety and holding hands has been fun — she, as you can imagine, does NOT like to hold our hands and wants to walk on her own. She always uses her utensils (or else), is obsessed with fruit, and only consistently eats cucumbers in the vegetable category. She loves being chased and chasing others, loves playing anywhere and doing anything that is not intended for children, loves helping clean up, starting to figure out how to climb on and off the couch, walks up and down stairs with no hands (and falls often), and really loves to laugh and talk (my kinda girl).

As expected, too, we are clouded by sleep loss. Both Jordan and I have a lot going on outside of parenting (again, so does everyone), but without proper sleep, we just feel like zombies. Eventually, I’d like to believe we’ll both just get used to it (since it’s clear our child is just not going to be a great sleeper), but I fear otherwise. The thing is, Delaney sleeps now…just not very much. So, when we have a really bad night due to illness or teething or traveling or whatever else we can find to blame it on, we just don’t have the stored up sleep that we need to be able to handle it well.

I want to look back on these memories of our “issues” and laugh. Because I know how good we have it. I really do. Our life is incredible. We have the best family, the best friends, the best girl, and a really full, fun, and exciting life that we love.

My goal for Spring and beyond is to be grateful instead of fearful. Because we have plenty to be thankful for and very little to be fearful of.

We’re tired. We’ve had a lot going on (I know, our fault). But with some sleep issues, buying a new place, staging our current place, starting a new job, transitioning to one nap, traveling a bit, working with daycare to transition to the toddler classroom, and trying to maintain some sort of communication/relationship with our families/friends, I’ve been a downer recently. I’m emotionally exhausted and beyond the point of physically exhausted. That being said, these are all great problems to have!

Recently, Delaney has been loving school and there’s nothing more I could have hoped for than to see pictures of our smiling, laughing girl every day from her teachers. They love her there! She eats better, sleeps better, and from what it seems, behaves better at school than she does at home. As you can imagine, being my sensitive self, it’s sometimes hard to digest.

Now that I get less time with our girl, I’ve internally put more pressure on this time. On Wednesdays and Fridays, I want her to be at her best! She’s a toddler though and she’s smart. She is SO MUCH FUN – I laugh with her all the time. But, she’s also extremely unreasonable (again, she’s a toddler). She demands ridiculous things, throws herself on the ground over almost anything, and within minutes of being awake or finished with a meal, she is carrying everyone’s shoes around the house pointing to the door and says “Shhsss! Hat!” as in, she wants everyone to get their shoes and hats on so we can get the heck out of here. It’s adorable and really funny – but exhausting. When we tell her “in a little” or “after I drink coffee” or “let’s put some clothes on you first”, she loses her mind.

So, this morning I cried. I cried because she was up from 2-4am last night. I cried because she had the best day at school yesterday. I cried because she slept for 2.5 hours at school yesterday. I cried because I can’t remember the last time she’s taken a nap longer than 1 hour at home. I cried because her teachers got to see her hop around the movement matters zone and say “WHOOOOAAAAA” after she kicked the balls around. I cried because by the time she got home last night and we got off of work, she was so tired and hungry for dinner that she was grumpy.

Today, I simplified. I made some rules: No running on the couch, no snacks out of her highchair or outside of her two snack times, and for myself, once she started showing signs of not wanting to be out or being whiny, we would go home.

So this morning, we played for a full hour with our three favorite Green Pinata toys. I put everything else away and we just played with these. She loved it! I pulled out the yoga mat and Delaney practiced her downward dog (and complimentary woofing and panting). We went to music, she had a snack in the stroller, we played at the market with her friends, and for once, got lunch to go instead of eating it there. She ate her entire lunch in one sitting, she drank actual water,…and I don’t remember what else because I apparently stopped writing this post without finishing it.