We are figuring things out, people. Owen is so cute and smiley and more often than not (finally), a pretty happy baby! When he’s not, he’s really not. We’ve been through some tough months with lots of trial and error to figure out how to make this baby more comfortable and not so fussy, but we are getting there and absolutely love this sweet, chubby, smiley baby.

Stats: 15lbs 5oz, height TBD, head TBD

Here’s what’s new:

• Owen loves Delaney, turns his head toward her voice at all times and is almost always smiling (even a little giggle!) when she’s playing with him
• Owen’s hair is a dusty brown with a twinge of red like Morgan’s and his eyes are much lighter than Delaney’s. Could we have a true Irishman this time?
• He fusses before bed again and is pretty darn hard to put down for a nap unless he’s in the carrier
• Loves the bath!
• Pulls his legs up and to the left like he’s thinking about rolling (but considering he never does tummy time due to his reflux, rolling probably isn’t in the cards for a while)
• Rolled over from his stomach to back at 13 weeks! Has only done it one other time, but for a kid whose only done tummy time 5-8x in his life, that’s pretty good haha
• Sleeps in his sleep sack and is somewhat regularly only waking up twice overnight around 1am and 4am. Goes to sleep at 7:30pm and is up for the day at 5:45/6am.
• Still pukes all the time and started Zantac for reflux. It’s been a month of dairy free and soy free — and now it’s been 3 weeks of probiotics for both of us.
• He is definitively “colicky” — which is defined as inexplicable crying for more than three hours a day for at least 3 weeks (it’s been 12 for us). This is very hard to deal with and even harder to explain to people
• He has rolls in his legs and I can’t get enough of it
• Loves his paci but obnoxiously spits it out a million times, just like his sister always did. Also sucks on his entire hand:)
• Prefers Morgan over everyone (can I get an Amen!?)
• Can rarely be put down

Our sweet baby girl is growing up so fast. For almost 2.5 years, I never believed the hype of everyone saying that about their kids. I feel so lucky to have had so much alone time with Delaney and truly feel like we soaked up every second we could together. But ever since she started preschool, I’m seeing her grow up right before my eyes and it’s going way too fast!

Delaney is testing us more than ever, but she’s also making us so proud as we see the kind of friend and sister she’s becoming. She is so beyond nurturing that it’s a shame I have to tell her not to touch Owen so often so he won’t get sick. She loves to hold him, makes sure he’s OK, and when it comes to her friends, I see an inclusive kind girl and I couldn’t be more proud. It’s hard to be sensitive and friendly when others aren’t always that way, and I want Delaney to always remember how important it is for there to always be someone willing to be kind…even when you put yourself out there, make yourself vulnerable and don’t always get kindness in return.

Since starting school, Delaney has transformed at drop off and is becoming more confident every day. She always tells me on the way to school “I’m not gonna cry about you, I’m not gonna cry about Owen, and I’m not gonna cry about Daddy.” For the first couple of weeks, she asked for all of us and told her teachers she wanted us and wanted to go home. But now, I walk her in, she gives me a big kiss and a hug, and if it’s Jordan dropping her off, she also says “See ya lata Alligata!!” I never thought I’d see the day since she’s always had tough drop offs since babyhood.

She loves to say “let’s count!”, points out tons of letters everywhere we go, loves to do projects, is a master climber on the playground, and is developing really funny mannerisms likely from her friends that make her seem even more like a big kid and less like a little toddler. Delaney loves dresses, loves to get “nice and cozy!” with us. loves reading and memorizing books (current favorite is Green Eggs and Ham), still sleeps with three blankets and a boppy pillow for her head, loves doing “drills” with Daddy in the family room pretending they’re football players, loves jumping in puddles, is an incredible scooter rider, loves the playground and still oddly obsessed with the baby swing and underdogs, sings and dances to Moana and Frozen songs all the time with or without the music, loves all of her grandparents (she calls them her parents haha), loves me and Jordan, is crazy obsessed with Owen, is one of the biggest helpers both at school and at home and always LOVES a job, has gotten pretty great at having her hair washed and combed every night, is so funny and has the best smile and laugh, still drinks a bottle of milk at night (we’re working on it…..again),  and is still in a crib because she’s been an awesome sleeper and we’re too smart to mess with that.

With her age, Delaney has become even more particular about routines, schedules, the way she wants things to be, having things stay the same, and needs time to process nearly every slight change she might face. This is often hard on us as parents because with the steadfastness in routine comes Delaney’s impeccable knack for making a habit out of everything and anything — including the not so good. We love to spoil her, let her watch movies with us, have candy, get ice cream for dinner every once in a while — but it’s very challenging because then she wants whatever “special treat” we give her every single time and it becomes a tough conversation and usually, eventually a tantrum!

 

Two kids is absolutely nuts. I feel like I have a hundred children. I feel like I have 0 minutes to spare. I feel like I’m not very good at this. I feel like I was born to do this. I feel like I’m failing and thriving and barely surviving all at the same time.

The postpartum months have been extremely tough on me. For the first three weeks of Owen’s like, we were high on life and I was quite literally high on hormones and the continued adrenaline of childbirth. I knew it wouldn’t last and I prayed I wouldn’t crash, but crash I did. Our first hospital stay with Owen on September 10th changed my life forever. Other than the Boston Marathon bombing, it was the closest I had ever come to one of my very worst fears.

Growing up with fairly serious anxiety at various points in my life, I am forever grateful for a strong foundation in self-awareness. I see myself very clearly and I know when my mind and thoughts are going in directions that aren’t healthy. All that being said, controlling extreme anxiety is very challenging for me (and anyone), no matter how mindful I try to be. Being a mother means my mind and nobody are never, ever doing one thing at a time and more importantly, I am never in a state of ease or relaxation. It’s just the way it is. Parenting is 24/7 and I never fulling appreciated that cliche until I became a parent for the second time. Right now, it’s absolutely 24/7.

But as I said, I was born for this. I’ve waited my whole life to be a Mom and I can’t even begin to describe the kind of love I feel for my babies. Delaney is my first baby and it breaks my heart over and over to see her grow up, while at the same time filling me with so much joy and excitement for each new milestone, each ridiculous saying, and most of all, each new skill that makes her who she is. And sweet baby Owen has had a rough shake these first few months — and I am forever thankful for his health, his cuddly nature, and that sweet, painfully cute smile.

I’ve gotten bogged down with the fog of the first three months with a newborn, but I work really hard to take in the positives too. So, because life is so different right now, I’m working on being thankful for every small victory. At this very moment, both of my kids are asleep. At the same time. And neither of them even screamed to get themselves there. That’s totally nuts and worth celebrating.

pics to come

Saddle up for a very long post. I have so much to say about this delivery and experience as it was one of the most incredible days of my life and I don’t ever want to forget a thing. Also, if you don’t want to know too many details about birth in general, I strongly recommend you stop reading now. This blog serves as our family’s memory capsule — so this post is happening with all (ok, fine, most of) the details!

Over the past 5 weeks (when I was 37 weeks pregnant), I started having serious contractions anywhere from an hour at a time to 6 hours at a time (this usually happened overnight). Trying to talk to nurses or doctors about signs of labor is kind of like trying to catch a fish with your bare hands. They asked me a slew of questions to which my response was always “I don’t know”. If you don’t already know, “being in labor” is a very clear-cut term with extremely unclear symptoms. Whenever I was a little dehydrated or walked too much or got too hot or ate too fast or slept too long or worried too much or basically any other thing a person does, it would set off contractions. I was certain I was going to be early even though I’d been certain my entire pregnancy that I’d be late.

My late term symptoms were much more extreme than with Delaney, namely sciatica that forced me to stop walking abruptly really often and a lot of muscle pain in my glutes and back. I attributed most of this to working out too much and too far into pregnancy. I now know that it’s more likely because I had a GIANT BABY inside me. All that being said, after the 39 week mark, I miraculously started feeling better again, got back into my workouts, got massages, and enjoyed as many naps as possible once I was done with work. The day before my due date (and Jordan’s birthday), I wasn’t dilated at all despite having lots of contractions so I decided then and there that I’d likely be induced. We stopped worrying about where we went on the weekends because we knew I wouldn’t go into labor.

At 41 weeks, I got an ultrasound and heard a resounding “This baby looks perfect” from the non-stress tests, the Ultrasounds and my midwives so we were set for induction as late as possible (12 days late, same as Delaney’s birth), on Wednesday, August 16th. That weekend, after a two mile hike in the Fells with Delaney, I was up for 6 hours in the middle of the night unable to lay in bed with such strong contractions. I thought I may be in labor but there was no consistency and I was finally able to get back to sleep at 6am (15 minutes before Delaney woke up, of course).

The next day, I felt normal again and we played at the pool, the playground and took a 2 hour nap (thank you Delaney!!). Monday, I took the bus to my appt, where I was 1 cm dilated and the baby still looked great and we confirmed the induction date. Tuesday morning, I walked Delaney to school before coming back, tidying up around the house, taking a long shower and drying my hair (so I would at least start out feeling not gross at the hospital), and left to get another pedicure and manicure. (Seriously, my life at the end of pregnancy on days when Delaney was at school were a complete and utter luxury and I’m not even a little sorry about it). My plan was to get the mani/pedi, come home, take a nap and pick up Delaney before our parents all arrived Tuesday night.

12-2pm: I was feeling contractions all morning but they were far apart and/or inconsistent. At this point, this had happened to me almost every other day for two weeks so it didn’t feel any different than it was.  I got to the nail salon, started to time my contraction with an app while I reveled in what would be my last pedicure before baby, and listened as the technician told me I was having a boy and how big I was. While getting my gels removed before the manicure started, I was timing contractions more seriously because I was very aware of them and they were not stopping. I was measuring them at 8 minutes apart most of the time at this point, but they’d jump up to 12-15 minutes apart too so I wasn’t worried. I finished up, picked up at turkey club from Which Which and texted Jordan to give him a head’s up about the regularity of my contractions.

2pm: On the one mile drive home, I realized things were serious when driving through the Sullivan Square roundabout, I had a contraction and it somewhat knocked the wind out of me. I realized that I definitely shouldn’t be driving. I rushed home to try and get one last nap (which was a daily occurrance at this point), but every time I laid down, I had to get up during the contraction and breathe through it. I asked Jordan what the rest of his day looked like and he said he had a meeting from 3:30-5pm but that he could come home now. I just needed to make it to 6:45pm when our parents would be here! It was so close! I told him not to rush home but to keep his phone on him. Looking out our bedroom window, I saw rush hour starting and realized I was being potentially reckless. I called the nurse to tell her I was at 6-8 minutes apart now and she said I didn’t have a ton of time but that I probably didn’t have to rush. At 3:29pm, I told Jordan “I think you need to come home.”

He got home, I was still timing them at 5 min apart and could hardly talk through the contractions, and we decided to pick up Delaney, drop her off at her best friend Cam’s house (luckily, Jordan ran into Brian on his way home and told him what was happening), and leave for the hospital. We got to Delaney at 4pm and she was leaving for a walk and wanted to wait until after the walk (to which I said, NOPE!) and we took her to Cam’s, told her that we were going to have the baby, she didn’t cry, (I sobbed), she smiled big and waved to us from in front of their house, and we were off!

My contractions were 4 minutes apart in the car and I couldn’t talk through them. I used those weird handles above the windows to hold on for dear life through each contraction. They were crazy, it took us 45 minutes to get there, and we arrived at the hospital at 5:20 but I didn’t want to totally commit to going in in case labor was going to be a long time. I didn’t want to be in there any longer than I had to so we hung out outside and let the nurse on call know we were there, who informed me that MY midwife Helen, who was new to the hospital and just having her orientation that day was also on call until that evening! I couldn’t believe it. I ate some cheez its (duh) and we finally went in to register.

5:45pm: I was 6cm when they first checked me. I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe that I was actually in labor and that I’d made that much progress! I was certain I’d be induced again and felt so lucky that I went into spontaneous labor. They took me to the labor room and the funniest part of the transition was that there was a new parent tour happening in the hall, so I was like a freak side show to them walking and having to stop and hold onto the railings and breathe through contractions. It was hilarious for some reason and I kept saying, “Look alive people!” as they gawked at us and my nurse Angela laughed at pretty much everything I said, which is probably why I loved her so much.

We got to the labor room and let me get in the shower to labor. I was very uncomfortable by this point and needed the heat of the shower on my back. With both Delaney and Owen, I had pretty extreme back labor due to how they were positioned (face up) and probably how my anatomy is, but it was really painful (also…duh). Angela had Jordan massage my lower back through each contraction and she did this crazy thing where she pushed my hips together (realllllly freaking hard) and it alleviated so much of my pain during the contractions. It was crazy and so vital to the rest of my labor.

6:30pm: Since I was Strep B positive, they gave me penicillin once I was in labor (even though I wouldn’t get it the whole recommended time of 4 hours likely) so I was hooked up to an IV while in the shower.

Now was when I started talking about the epidural. Helen (midwife) and Angela (nurse) had both asked me what I was planning and I said yes to the epidural but that I was in no rush at all. Once I was in the shower, I wanted to make sure I still had time to get it and Angela said she could call the anesthesiologist at any time so I told her to wait until I said the word. We talked about how I was a marathoner between contractions and that she was impressed at how well I was handling them. I told her that internally, I was freaking out haha. I kept repeating, “I’m so scared, I’m so scared” between contractions because they were so intense and I was referring to the fact that by this point, I was realistically considering not getting an epidural. I had made it 6cm without hardly realizing it, so surely I could do this. People do it all the time, right!? I’m strong and my pain tolerance is high (I think?) and having run a marathon, I really believe I can do anything.

Once I started to ask for pain support, Angela suggested trying nitrous oxide (laughing gas) and I kinda thought that it was dumb but figured it couldn’t hurt. She said that’s a great option if I don’t want to get an epidural and that it wouldn’t make the pain any better but that it would make me care less. This sounds like the perfect thing for me — since I’m mostly just a head case that can actually handle quite a bit. Angela said “Why don’t you try a couple contractions with the laughing gas and if you hate it, we’ll turn it off and we can also check you to see how far along you are. Would that make you less scared?” to which I replied, “Sounds great.”

7:15pm?: I got out of the shower, did three contractions standing by the bed (with a team of 3 people massaging my back at this point haha), got lightheaded bc things were INTENSE by this point, and painstakingly laid down (torture) and they found that I was almost 9cm by this point. Insane! I was pumped but terrified and asked if I still had time to get the epidural just in case and they said “Of course!” Angela looked me in the eyes between my next contraction and just said, “You’re going to do this. You’ve been awesome so far and I have no doubt in my mind that you can do this” and Helen (who had planted this seed in my head a month prior to not get an epidural) looked at me and said, “You know how I feel! The goal is to be pain free as soon as possible and the way things are progressing, you’re gonna have this baby soon Morgan.” I yelled through the next contraction (standing up…always standing up!) and once it was over, I declared that “If I can run a freaking marathon pregnant, I can do this. Let’s do this” — like some weirdo pump up speech to myself.

The midwives and nurses (there were now 4 people in my room + Jordan) massaging my back with oils like some spa day from hell haha and they started coaching me through various position changes to try and flip the baby and alleviate the back labor and make pushing easier. Midwives and nurses are the most incredible people in the world and if you’ve ever considered using a midwife, do it, they’re incredible and I credit them for my ability to do all of this with no meds! They never left my side, talked me through everything and were just the most amazing, knowledgable support system during a crazy few hours. Helen asked when I was ready to think about pushing and she broke my water to get things moving. At one point, she ACTUALLY said to me “Morgan? Do you realize this is a very, very big baby?” in the calmest voice ever. Why she said that right before I was about to push, I have no idea.

8:02 pm: I pushed for 12-15 minutes and my giant baby was born! I kept asked, “Is he OK? Is he OK?” while also repeating “I can’t believe I did it! Thank you guys so much! I can’t believe I just did that!” referring to no epidural. They held him up and Jordan smiled and said, “It’s a boy this time” after falsely calling Delaney a boy haha. They threw him on me and instantly, he put his little arms up toward my neck like a hug and I melted with love for him. He was SO heavy, I could tell, and his strong little body reminded me so much of Delaney when she was born. They both have such strong backs and pudgy little arm muscles and I just love it so much. I held him for a while and instantly was in some pretty serious recovery pain but finally got some motrin, which helped. While they were weighing him, I was just repeating, “Um, guys? I’m in pain. Whoa….hahahaha…ok I need some meds now” which was just funny because the “hard” part was over. Then, I heard one of the nurses saying “9! 9!” and everyone was laughing and reacting and I didn’t understand what she was saying, “What 9?” thinking he was 6.9 or 7.9 but then she said, “No, 9 – 9! He’s 9 pounds, 9 ounces” and Angela looked at me and laughed and just said, “Hahahah holy crap, those are some serious bragging rights.”

We did skin to skin for a while, and with Jordan too, while I recovered a bit and then they took us to our room. We took advantage of the nursery to get some sleep (since we knew what we were getting ourselves into), but I was shaking for a few hours on adrenaline so couldn’t really sleep that first night. It was all so crazy and so amazing and it was honestly one of the proudest nights of my life. We didn’t name him until the next day, since we were still so torn, but we couldn’t be happier with the name Owen Kelly Burke.

Owen means Young Warrior in Gaelic and Kelly (obviously my maiden name) means Of War.

During labor and/or pushing, a few key/hilarious things happened:

• I was listening to my Ice Bath playlist from the marathon (I also did this for labor with Delaney), but at one point, Christina Aguilera’s “Bionic” came on and I told Jordan in the middle of a contraction “You HAVE to do something about this music! Put on the Christian Rock playlist!”
• I labored to Christian music and I couldn’t recommend it more:) The best.
• I was pushing and Owen wasn’t coming down the canal very quickly — he was still really far up. This also happened with Delaney, and Helen told me after the fact that she was pretty worried that I wouldn’t be able to deliver without a c section for a few minutes. But then things quickly progressed.
• Helen was asking me questions really slowly while I was in a contraction so I finally yelled at her, while kind of laughing, that she had to talk faster.
• Helen kept telling me to bear down, which in normal life I understand, but in the moment, I was so annoyed and in pain and just kept saying, “What do you mean by that?!?” and they all just yelled at one point, “Try to poop!” So gross and so funny.
• I screamed during one contraction/push and Helen yelled: “You WILL NOT scream this baby out. Calm down right now and don’t push until you’re ready”
• They put my on my side to flip the baby and it was the MOST PAINFUL part of the entire night. Laying down sucked so bad and I’m so happy I got to be standing most of the time.

Sweet Owen came into this world in one of the wildest days of my life and from the moment I saw him, I sensed he was going to be a fierce but sweet little boy. Our first week with Owen was so special and happy and everything progressed so smoothly that I could hardly believe it.

Owen nursed seconds after being born and I only experienced a few days of painful discomfort and uncertainty (unlike the months of discomfort the first time around) and I couldn’t have been more thankful for that. Nursing is something I’m passionate about doing and believe in strongly (for a slew of reasons) and I feel lucky that I didn’t struggle this time. He was also instantly a puker — even spitting up in his bassinet in the nursery when I didn’t even have full-on milk yet. He also loved to be held from early on and couldn’t really be laid on his back, though he was in the hospital.

Delaney welcomed Owen with more than open arms, showing him so much love I could hardly contain my tears. She was so sweet and called him “Little baby” or “Little buddy” from day one. She’s so proud to be a big sister and loves him so much.

Owen had his bris on 8/23, which was an emotional but extremely special day — with tons of family coming in town (and even some surprises with Megan and Shannon coming), lots of friends, tons of toddlers haha, and overall a perfect day. We did a naming ceremony for Delaney following the bris, too, which made the day even more special to bring us together as a family.

After a few amazing weeks with our sweet boy, we encountered the scariest time of our lives when we were admitted to children’s hospital on September 10th when Owen got a fever. After a spinal tap, blood work and urine sample, they found that Owen had inflammation in his cerebrospinal fluid, indicating meningitis. It was so scary and beyond anything we could have imagined he had and after 36 very long hours, they found that it was viral and not bacterial. We feel extremely lucky, but very shaken and days after our release, we sadly returned back to the ER when he was spitting up more and more. One Owen’s one month birthday, we were discharged from the hospital for the second time and got to take our sweet boy home.

The whole time, Owen grew rapidly, ate well, fought hard when he was unhappy (a very good sign), and never failed to have LOTS of pee every day. These were gifts for us during this time and we’re so proud of our little fighter baby. He is the sweetest and I am so thankful we got through this scary time.

Owen’s 1 Month Stats/Facts:

• Weighs 11lbs 5oz and 22.5 inches
• Has light brown hair and gray/blue eyes, but definitely resembles Delaney
• Eats a lot but only about every three hours, which has been awesome for me
• Found a paci we like, the MAM
• Spits up every time he eats and cries pretty intensely after eating too until he falls asleep and has LOTS of gas:(
• Sleeps very well still but now at an incline in the swing, waking up a lot but really not staying awake for long at all

I’ve been pregnant twice and feel extremely lucky to have had a smooth time getting pregnant and uncomplicated pregnancies. I have also gone wayyyyy past my due date twice. Note that I do not see this as a complication or even a disturbance. It’s just the way my body and my babies work and despite being totally Type A, I have never once become obsessed with a lot of the things people seem to think I should be once I’m past the 40 or 41 week marks.

In this time of waiting and wondering and being pummeled with a slew of endless questions, comments, and observations from others, I couldn’t help but put into words the ridiculous experience that is being 10 days “late.”

1. Pregnancy is 9 months. No it’s not. Maybe for some people, but a traditional pregnancy is 40 weeks, which is ALSO not nine months. You’re basically pregnant for a year so saddle up.
2. Oh, that’s definitely a boy. This is typically said by a strange, middle-aged male who is also the most unassuming person you usually see on the street. But I kid you not, he will be the MOST adamant that he is right just by looking at you for three seconds and at least with my first pregnancy, all of those strange men would also be WRONG.
3. Wow, any day now right? Nope, I’m actually only six or sevent months when I get this comment the most. And news flash, it’s rude so don’t say that to people if you see a pregnant woman.
4. You get to eat for two. No you don’t, but if you do, just be prepared to deal with it for a year or more after the baby. You actually only get an extra small snack but if you’re anything like me, you stop caring around 38 weeks and throw caution to the wind. Live it up because you’ll get back in shape and being skinny isn’t nearly as awesome as being strong, happy and a mom.
5. “Morning sickness” ends after your first trimester. This stuff knows no bounds and there’s no saying that morning sickness is just nausea or that morning sickness is just in the morning. I threw up all the time, including in the middle of the night every week until 18 weeks…and all day long. A lot of people get a little nauseous, and a lot of people hurl. You’ll be fine regardless, but may help to be mentally prepared.
6. You can’t do normal things. This is definitely true for some people depending on their physical health, the baby’s health and otherwise so this could be true for you. If your pregnancy is progressing normally, you can pretty much do everything you did before. I ran races, did barre classes, rode bikes and chased after Delaney until my current state (10 days late) — and I’m STILL pregnant so all is well!
7. If you carry “big”, you’ll probably have an early baby. This is an uneducated assessment from strangers again usually, but it’s not true. I’m proof.
8. Are they Braxton Hicks or real contractions? Hahahahaha…. if this was so easy to tell, I would have been vacationing in Bermuda for the past month. I’ve quite literally thought I was in labor every few days for more than five weeks now. And I have a high pain tolerance. And I’m still pregnant. And I’ll most definitely need to be induced.

 

Dear Laney Girl,

The time has come for us to become a family of four. Upon my last few days pregnant with your sibling, I want to share with you my love, my hopes, my pride and my thoughts on how special you are to me and our family.

Ever since you learned you’d become a big sister, you’ve been tentative, thoughtful, and compassionate just as we would have imagined. You’ve shown no signs of disdain (yet, and it’s OK if/when you do) and your motherly instincts have grown with you over the past 6-9 months. We see it in your behavior at school with new friends, your caring/bossy nature with your friends, your adherence to your own bedtime routine with your baby dolls, and above all else, your outward expression of love and excitement for your baby sibling in my stomach.

You’ve been a baby and my baby since the day you were born and while there are so many ways you’ve been a big girl, there are certain baby tendencies about you that I can’t help but let go of. You still cry when you wake up (scream is more accurate really), you still need a very rigid bedtime routine with various books, a bottle, being rocked, three blankets, a short back rub and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and you still want to be held quite a bit. In nearly every other way, you have the demeanor of a big sister and it wasn’t until fairly recently that it dawned on me that you are going to be the leader of your siblings. Oh, how lucky he/she/they are to have this be true!

You are passionate, smart, helpful, responsible, funny, inclusive, cautious, adventurous, confident, thoughtful, specific, habitual, kind, and you are the kind of leader I want for our kids.

While you will be the oldest, the first born, and the leader, you will also always be our baby and we will always care for you, make you feel safe, be available for guidance and we promise to let you be little. I can’t wait to see how much fun you have helping us out when we need it and being the doting big sister I know you’ll be, but I also want you to do know that you don’t have to grow up too fast.

This transition is going to rock us and I’m confident in that. You and me in particular are going to need some time to adjust. I’ve had the luxury of being an adult and being able to take the time to *try* and comprehend the changes upon us, but I know that for you, all of the upcoming change is just too much for you to absorb. Daddy and I have done our best to prep you, but we also don’t want to flood you with “warnings” about what’s to come because we’re just not sure it’s good for any of us. I will always carry the majority of our family’s worry and I hope you’ll let me handle the uncertainties and believe that you, me and your Daddy will work together as the team we are to embrace the change that’s coming. I promise to do my best to keep our time special and to maintain our most important routines, but I can also promise that for you and me in particular, this is our chance to be bold. This is our chance to embrace the change, get uncomfortable, and believe in our abilities to adapt. We will be closer, happier and prouder in the end.

We are going to welcome a brand new sweet baby to this family and you have been our most special gift that has made my and Daddy’s marriage a family in the first place. I love what we have and I know that with this new addition, we will be surrounded by even more love and more fun.

I love you so, so, so much and can’t wait to see you be the big sister you’re so excited to be.

All my love forever,

Mommy

 

Despite the fact that people are pregnant and give birth all. the. time., I will never cease to be amazed by this entire process, by the human body, by the ridiculous number of “side effects” that come along with the growth of a baby, and by how hard parenting and pregnancy can be. I don’t say this to complain, but more to commend the billions of women who have and will go through this journey too. It’s absolutely wild and equally indescribable.

I love pregnancy, as I’ve said, but this time around, it’s been so difficult and far more emotional for me. Between pregnancy hormones and some pre-natal anxiety and depression I’ve had, I’ve been thinking a lot about how it’s coming to an end and as with everything for me, it’s bitter sweet.

What I will miss:

• Watching my body and this baby grow. It amazes me every time I look in the mirror and I have such an extreme appreciation for my health and DNA.
• Doing anything and feeling like superwoman! I really do…even making the beds, shopping for groceries, going to barre class, working…all of it. It’s harder right now and I’m proud of even my smallest accomplishments. So sue me.
• My special, consistent one-on-one time with my girl. Our whole life together is one-on-one or with me and Jordan — other than when we have visitors or friends around. As I’ve gotten more pregnant, I’ve also become less scheduled with our days and I love it, Delaney loves it, and I’m so grateful that my pregnancy has forced us to slow down.
• Delaney’s naps the past few months that have been finally somewhat regular and gives me a chance to relax, sometimes nap, and puts her in the BEST mood so we’re both rejuvenated. I know that this will come to an end soon since someone will always be awake.
• Being pregnant. There, I said it, but I’ve always loved pregnancy and by no means should I considering the symptoms I carry throughout the entire thing. This pregnancy in particular was fairly brutal on my body, but I love to feel this growing baby move, love to imagine what it will be like, and pregnancy gives me such a dedicated time to embrace what I love most about my current life since I know there will be so many changes.
• The baby bump.
• The trust that I should listen to my body and take breaks when I need to.
• The last 2-3 weeks that I’ve indulged in pedicures, yoga classes, massages, naps, hair cuts, and long walks with no real plans or urgent work deadlines — I had this bonus time with Delaney and it was my favorite time then too, even though I can be really uncomfortable, but the bonus time is a gift that I think my body and mind need so much in order to prep for this change.
• Feeling this baby move all day, every day. It keeps me up at night but it’s an incredible feeling.

What I’m excited for:

• Our sweet new baby! It’s such a surreal thing to think and this active, wild baby is going to be loved so much (probably TOO much from its sister) and I can’t wait to see what kind of personality gets added to our home.
• Spending the remainder of our summer nights on the deck in the fresh air with our kids, plural!
• Our first outings as a family and the feeling I know we’ll have when we do it and the inevitable realization that we’re going to be OK.
• Being able to put the baby down instead of carrying it around all the time:)
• Knowing if the baby is a boy or girl and not googling baby names every day anymore.
• No longer living in the state of unknown or panic whether I’m in labor or not
• Focusing on the baby instead of trying to do a million different things on my days when Delaney is in school
• Going for my first run post-baby! I ran for a long time until I got really hurt around 30 weeks, and I have been dreaming of the day since.
• Wearing pants with buttons
• Breastfeeding and spending slow, bonding time with our baby
• Not working for a few weeks
• A margarita and a whole buncha sushi
• Seeing Delaney be a big sister

What I’m Nervous about:

• Labor and Delivery
• SLEEP! Terrified. I don’t handle the lack of it well and we don’t breed good sleepers.
• Breastfeeding pain, time, learning curve…and pain again!
• Figuring out child care when I return to work
• Figuring out how to work with 2 kids
• Learning now to keep my eye on two kids when we’re out
• The startling shock of waking up to a screaming baby over and over and over again:)
• Pumping
• Knowing what kind of help we will need or want
• Delaney’s adjustment

The closer this date gets, the crazier and more surreal it feels. Just a few weeks ago, Jordan and I both thought we’d have an early baby (even though we also totally thought I’d be two weeks late again) and now that I’m a week late, we’re basically back at our normal life, making plans days in advance and acting like we’ve got nothing coming up! Weird stuff but amazing stuff.

This summer has been one of our favorites. I was nervous coming into a summer that I knew I’d be extremely pregnant in, but I have to say that it’s been amazing. Delaney is at one of the most fun ages ever and I feel so lucky to get to spend so much of my time with her when I’m not working. Our little family of three is so incredibly easy to travel with, so we’ve soaked up impulsive weekend trips and seemingly inefficient day-long outings as much as possible before we become 4.

Once May rolled around, Delaney and I were done with any mid-week music classes or obligations, which I was really nervous about. I’m so glad we had an open schedule because we spent our Wednesdays and Fridays doing way less, spending quality time with friends on a last-minute notice, and relaxed outings to the coffee shops, playgrounds, bike rides, beaches, museums, errand runs, and picnics. Delaney has taught me this summer that even the most “nothing” days can be our most fun.

Highlights of the summer:

• Getting potty trained and doing it really freaking fast!
• Mandy’s Wedding, Delaney’s first flower girl attempt. She was so brave walking down the aisle, knew exactly what to do, but couldn’t find me on the walk down and got a little shy. Despite the change, she did it and we were so proud! She loved every second of the rest of the wedding.
• Day trip to Nahant, our first one-on-one beach day and first outing post-potty training and it went awesome.
• Museum day in Salem where we made airplanes, saw a “spinning dress” exhibit, and had lunch and bubbles in the park.
• Week in Cape Cod with the Burke family. It was a rocky start with bad naps, tummy problems, and crummy weather, but was so fun to spend time with Delaney’s funcles, Emme and G, play in the pool, go to yummy dinners, see the seals and the beaches, and of course, master her brand new scooter!
• Two weekend trips to Ogunquit, ME. We booked both trips on the ride up, getting the most perfect weather and hours of fun on the beach, walks on the Marginal Way, jumping in the tide pools, and lotsa ice cream from our favorite place Sweet Peas.
• Bike rides to playgrounds at Spaulding, North Point Park, and the Esplanade playground — which I could hardly make it to on a very pregnant-feeling day.
• Visit from Mimi and Big Daddy going to our first Red Sox game of 2017 and Delaney’s first dinner cruise in her “fancy dress”.
• Afternoon naps and family movie nights — which I probably never would have let myself or us do prior to this pregnancy and also probably my two most cherished things. Taking a nap when Delaney did instead of cleaning the house, working, checking emails, working out etc. was one of the most liberating things I’ve ever done — and it was so simple. I can wholeheartedly thank this baby for all of it.
• The pool! Delaney LOVES to swim this summer and we can’t get enough of it. She started some semi-private swim lessons with her friends in the Navy Yard and does an awesome job getting the hang of how her body moves in the water…and not swallowing it all the time anymore:)
• Navy Yard nighttime concerts every week
• Our very first 4th of July from our roof deck with friends — had a great view of the fireworks!
• And of course, talking lots and lots about this new baby and how exciting it will be to add to our family. I’m of course scared — but I’m scared of everything. Delaney is confident in her abilities as a big sister, so we’re feeling pretty good about that:)

Delaney is my sweetest thing and I love every single ounce of her. When I look at her little face, I melt inside and I can’t believe she’s our baby girl. She’s beautiful, funny, inquisitive, stubborn, sweet, habitual, emotional, and unpredictably predictable. There are many things about her to go against the “norm” of what others say about toddlers or girls or kids in general. For a long time, I yearned for answers to get to her sleep longer or eat what she’s given or wake up smiley or not get upset with babysitters — but I’ve realized that she’s her own person and we don’t have to change who our kids are (nor can we) and that so much of our happiness as a family comes from understanding who eachother are, knowing who we’re dealing with, and learning to accommodate. I never understood how or why parents parented children differently until recently – but the reality is that every human being is different, children are human beings, and just because you parent a little differently doesn’t mean that there will be some kind of unfairness. Everyone needs something different, including me and Jordan and every other adult!

I, for one, hate to be yelled at and will be much more likely to obey rules that are given to me gently. I hate late nights and would much prefer working out, working, talking, socializing, and doing just about anything in the morning vs. the evening. I’m a crier and a talker when I’m sad or angry and I need to express my feelings, talk through my emotions and get things off my chest instead of holding it in or letting it pass. I know for a fact that my parents, coaches, teachers and everyone else has had to approach me with some tact, but I also know that I’m a pleaser, an obsessive thinker, a planner, and 96% of the time, I’ve thought through how someone else is going to feel or react to something I do or say before I do or say it. For these reasons, I think I’m pretty great.

1. She rarely wakes up happy. I’ve never understood this since Delaney was a tiny baby how other babies were always described as “cuddly” or “smiley” when they woke up. We encounter bloody murder crying when Delaney wakes up and recently, she’s actually fairly happy if she’s slept long enough but only if I go and get her. For five months and counting, she hates when anyone other than me puts her to bed or gets her from bed. I don’t know why this happened, I’m not that fun, and there are parts of me that realllllly wish I could just relax while someone else did these things — but alas, it still rings true and I’ve come to realize that I will miss this oh so much the moment she no longer needs me. I love that I comfort her and while I yearn for her to be comforted by others just as much, I love that I get to do this.
2. She needs options. We ask Delaney a lot of questions about what she wants and from afar, this is probably really annoying and sounds like we are letting her run the world. Perhaps we are, but it’s also because without options, she seems to feel trapped and conflicted and downright pissed sometimes. We can’t overwhelm her with too many options, but we almost always have to give them even if it’s not *really* an option. For example, “You can put your shoes on by yourself or I can do it for you.”
3. She is more aware of you than you are of her. Adults in general think babies and toddlers are stupid. This is annoying and particularly annoying when I have a super tuned in child who knows exactly what you’re saying, exactly how you’re gesturing, and exactly when you’re faking a smile. People don’t like that they can’t pick Delaney up or that she doesn’t want a stranger in her face. I actually love this about her and hope she doesn’t lose her ability to protect her space and body.
4. She has never, ever done anything once. Everything Delaney does becomes a habit in some way or another. Whether it’s a two-day habit or a two-year habit, I have never known Delaney to ever do something once…good or bad. If she wakes up at 5am one day because the birds are chirping too loud, you better believe she’s waking up at 5am again tomorrow. If she jumps over a pot hole on the way to school one day, be prepared to stop at that pothole every day for a week or more so she can do it again. If she got a lollipop at a store in Maine last year, she will point at that store and tell you that she wants a lollipop the next time you’re there. I absolutely love this about her even though it the “negatives” drive me up the wall. Her memory is impeccable and amazes me all the time.
5. She’s a “natural” athlete. I hate to even project this phrase because I don’t ever want Delaney to feel like she’s supposed to be an athlete or that difficult things come naturally. I trust she will work hard based on her temperament so far, but I have to say that her balance and agility have always amazed us. Delaney never rolled or crawled before she walked, which was just the craziest, funniest thing and made our lives a whole heck of a lot easier than most parents with babies. She sat steadily (once she stopped face planting) at around 5 months and was pretty much stuck in that position until someone moved her. It was great! Once she walked at 9 months, she ran and now as a 2.5 year old, she cruises on her scooter like she’s a teenager.
6. She’s a hugger — to us at least. Delaney hasn’t been held by more than probably 12 people in her life. I don’t actually think this is an exaggeration, especially if you exclude the first month of her life when she didn’t know how much she hated strangers yet and/or daycare when I’m sure assistant teachers have held her against everyone’s will. I feel bad that nobody really gets cuddly Delaney, because she is such a sweet girl that gives the strongest, best hugs and will position herself perfectly in the nook of your body while you read or watch TV. She always fits me perfectly, even in her growing height.
7. She is witty and funny. Delaney has an awesome laugh, knows when she’s gotten the room’s attention, and appreciates laughter as much as her Dad and I do. Her comedic timing is also fairly impressive for a 2-year-old.
8. She’s a helper. Delaney loves to have a job. She has been helping us put toys away, make dinner, fold laundry and clean the house for a year or so now. This makes her happy, you can see the look of pride in her face, and while she’s still a tornado in our house most of the time, I do believe that she’s developed a sense of respect for our home, responsibilities and neatness that I’m grateful for. At school, she has always been the teacher’s helper — not only by cleaning up but also for tending to any new kids in the class, befriending anyone who is new, and generally taking care of her friends (i.e. bossing them around) by helping to put shoes on, throw their lunch away etc.

There are so many things to love about our sweet girl.