JB – Day 1

We are finally here, in Manhattan Hermosa Beach! It’s an amazing, and strange, feeling. It’s been almost a full year since finding out my sabbatical application had been accepted at work and our family was going to move out to California for a two month adventure. The long waiting time allowed emotions of both excitement and anxiety to ebb and flow until all of a sudden we were boarding a plane with two toddlers for a 6.5 hour flight to LAX on a Friday morning instead of taking the 92 into the office. The flight actually went surprisingly well (thank you for the in-flight entertainment and endless pantry of snacks/drinks, JetBlue!), and after lugging our 3 full suitcases, 2 car seats, multiple backpacks, and kids onto the rental car shuttle, we arrived at our new temporary home in Hermosa Beach by early afternoon.

The first 48 hours in HB have been an awesome combination of fun local activities and perfect weather.

MB Takeover

When we arrived, we dumped everything into the house, took a quick little tour, and I got into the car to Target and TJs to get Owen’s crib etc. Jordan took the kids down to Hermosa to check out the area, test out the beach, and get our bearings. When we all got back, we quickly unpacked while the kids watched a show before heading back down into Hermosa for an early dinner. Sitting outside and watching the sunset was a surreal feeling after being stuck in the cold all winter – and we feel so grateful to be here! Once we built the crib, the kids were asleep after 22 long hours of being awake (for Owen, yikes) and they slept well!

Saturday, we got settled a little more before going out to watch the Hermosa Beach St. Patrick’s Day Parade! It was so good. All the little dance groups from each school, Irish dancers, cheerleaders, the Budweiser Clydesdales, police cars, fire engines, motorcycles, a million gold carts, and so much fun to watch.

Sunday was the perfect beach day! We spent all day on the beach, at least Delaney and I did while Owen napped for a while, and we played in the waves, made castles, collected “she shells”, and walked over to the swingset on the beach and Hermosa before heading in to make dinner on the deck. It’s been a great first weekend and Jordan starts his work tomorrow!

We have had a wild winter with lots of travel, lots of fun, and big adventures on the horizon. Jordan and I have gone to four weddings since November, three of which were in Florida (not too shabby), and we’ve traveled to NYC twice, MD twice for Christmas at Mimi and Big Daddy’s, and added another bonus Florida vacation to see Emme and G in their new rental at Ibis over Valentine’s Day.

Delaney turned 4 and has continued to grow into one of the best big sisters around. She is excited to see Owen every morning she wakes up and Owen anxiously awaits her, chanting “teh teh” downstairs when he hears her footsteps. Delaney loves K Prep and is a true leader in her class, welcoming in the group of 10 younger kids earlier this year and proving that she is one of the bigger, more responsible, and sometimes more tattle-telling friends haha but she’s an amazing student and her teacher, Miss Hayley, is always grateful to have Delaney on Mondays and Tuesdays. The rest of our week is filled with Gymnastics and Ballet on Wednesdays, which Delaney loves pretty equally. At home, she definitely dances all the time and is a true performer, offering her own rendition of the Nutcracker complete with dimmed lights, Sugar Plum Fairy music, and her own addition to pretend candy that she hands out to the crowd mid-song. She has taught Owen to love dancing and music too, which is perfect for our family, and we spend our evenings between dinner and bath dancing around or singing. It’s definitely my favorite time of day when we’re all here and dinner is over:) Delaney still loves to scoot, taught herself how to bike at the playground, climbs everything fearlessly, loves underdogs on the swings, dances all day every day, learned to write her full name in February and was SO proud!, has best friends Ainsley, Cam, and some other regulars that rotate through but those two have stayed constant for years now, which we feel very lucky for, she still hates to have her hair down/washed/combed, eats a little more adventurously now trying and liking fish, shrimp, pad thai, and chicken fingers (yes, this is a big deal for her!), sleeps with one special blanket she got from Kathy under her rainbow sheets that she got from Mimi for Christmas, loves Frozen music and a newfound love for Paw Patrol, all princesses, Butterbean’s Cafe, and went on a Pinkalicious kick for a while that has now ended, has transformed her ability to enter a new place and is much more comfortable in her own skin now and around people she doesn’t know, which makes us very proud, and we are just beyond proud of the young girl our sweet Laney is.

Owen is a wild and crazy baby. He is a being of brute force, acts without thinking, eats faster than me, refuses the high chair or eating on a tray like other babies but still drinks from a bottle a few times a day, is silly and funny and has a great squawk/giggle/laugh, did not talk for the longest time and is finally starting to say some words including bus, dada, mama, teh teh (for delaney), and can mimic some words — he also signs for lots of things like eat, change, drink, water, poop, help, sorry, please, thank you, hi, bye, again, and of course MORE. Owen is one of the sweetest and cuddliest babies on the planet, but can turn on you in a second and is pretty physical with lots of hitting, throwing, and biting mixed in. He has traveled a lot in the past few months and we’re very proud of his adjustments to each place, though him flying skills are not as good as his sister. He is at a very tough age for flying but we love him and we love the experience of traveling with these kids — and it is worth the effort.

Owen is just a month shy of a year old and it is absolutely crazy to think about. He is so sweet, so joyful, has the best smile, is a tride and true Mama’s boy, still has a very coy and blushing shyness whenever someone new looks at him or says hello (he doesn’t freak, he just tucks right into me and hides his face, usually smiling or with no expression), is super active and crawls with a left leg drag (so cute) and walks holding one hand, cruises from anywhere on anything, loves food, claps for himself 25 times an hour, nurses 6 times a day still, hates getting new teeth (has 4 officially and getting the 3-4 on top now), loves his sister, grabs faces of everyone (becoming a bit of an issue with other babies…need to socialize him to understand that’s not normal haha), and we just love every single ounce of him.

Owen’s personality is coming out more and more. He’s not very careful (gets a lot of bruises and has had 3-4 bloody noses), he’s a little impulsive, he’s so beyond sweet that I wish there was a better word for it but sweet is how I’d best describe him, he’s cuddly, he’s fairly needy and likes a lot of attention but also can entertain himself better than the other child in our house :)), is held a lot of the time, and is QUICK. He gets everywhere he needs to get and is showing us very quickly and not baby-proof our house is. Here are some of his newest or most notable things we want to remember:

• He cries almost a sobbing instant cry when you take him into our room for a nap. It’s pretty fake. It’s very quick and once he’s in his sleep sack, he’s almost always ready to sleep but this dramatic reaction to the lights turning off has happened forever and it’s funny.
• He grabs my face and glasses any chance he gets still — and this is rubbing off
• Delaney taught him to kiss and he kisses with his tongue out and laughs a giddy giggle
• Has a breathy inhale-laugh that he’s done since he was tiny and I hope he never stops
• Loves to play pass with everything. He gives you whatever he’s playing with, does his inhale noise and puts his hand back out to get it back. He will offer it to everyone in his presence on a rotating basis and it’s adorable
• Never stops moving – he wants to walk so badly but won’t let go, which makes him pretty frustrated (and an exhausting person to hang out with 24/7) but oh so cute
• He shoves food in his mouth by the fistful and eats faster than Morgan…we think
• Claps for himself and everyone around him all the time. Doesn’t do any baby sign but claps when he wants more and kinda signs “all done”
• Favorite foods: broccoli, cauliflower, chicken, burgers, falafel, hummus, adult meals with lots of flavor (mexican, indian, thai, greek…etc), watermelon, scrambled eggs, potatoes (burnt out by sweet potatoes, rightfully so). Dislikes: zucchini, anything too soft (apple sauce, baby food, anything mushed!) and reacts with a very dramatic gag and turns red
• Is never full and drinks amazingly out of a straw
• Sleeps on his right side usually and sometimes his tummy now. Still uses the pacifier to fall asleep but also kinda hates it and always throws it out of the crib
• Wakes up at 5ish and has been nursing in bed until 6 since the beach, takes two (short!) naps at 9 and 2 but hopefully getting back into a better rhythm
• Loves the car and rarely throws a fit (I remember at this age, even a 15-min car ride would terrify me with Delaney unless she was asleep. Feel very lucky with this!) and will always fall asleep
• Loves to swing at the playground and push the walking toys
• Loves to get dizzy, be thrown in the air, and go fast on things
• Gets over injuries pretty quickly but is definitely sensitive
• Can be held by other people pretty well but its 99% better if Morgan is NOT around — but he will reach for Jordan and certain friends even when Morgan is holding him, which is new!
• His mood is very dictated by hunger and sleep (it is for all of us, duh) but if he is hungry or tired or both, it’s difficult to get him distracted for anything until he’s had food or sleep or milk
• Is an animal in the bathtub and stands up immediately, drinks the water, and is insane
• Eats lots of sand at the beach, doesn’t love the heat, LOVES having his feet in water (doesn’t love the pool too much but doesn’t dislike it), and can’t get enough of sticking his hands in salt water and sucking on his fingers

Owen is becoming a mover! He can pull up to stand and is officially mobile to the point of quickness (meaning I can’t confidently leave him even more a few seconds). He puts everything in his mouth, is still the sweetest baby of all time, and can’t get enough of standing a taking steps holding someone’s hand.

Here’s what’s new:

• Started kissing (Delaney taught him) and opens his mouth when you pucker up
• Has flown 14 times (I think) and is starting to be a little crazier, but such a charmer and good traveler like his big sister
• Peers around and looks into your eyes, playing peek-a-boo in any way he can find
• Is always kicking and relaxing with his cute little legs on the adapter bar while on a stroller walk
• Is JUST about to crawl. Gets up on all fours but typically collapses, and rolls over
• Is very ticklish and giggles the best giggle when you nuzzle his arms or tickle his little legs
• Sits up and plays pass in the bath for the 2 minutes he isn’t trying to nosedive into the water
• Loves to be held, does awesome in the Ergo still, and is so genuinely sweet
• Went to Disney World! Didn’t love the heat (at all) but was a trooper taking things in and loves splashing his feet in the pool the most
• Is always hungry and eats 3 solid meals a day and still nurses 6x a day

I’m going to start blogging more, but in the meantime, I think I need to document some of the GOLD that is Delaney right now. To be honest, Delaney has been a challenge the past six months and is testing us in every way possible, and for that I’ll forever be grateful. It wasn’t until recently that I finally came to understand that parenting isn’t just about parenting children, it’s about parenting yourself. (I stole this concept from a podcast I’m listening to). Raising a child is so intense in so many ways that go far beyond the intense physical work. Parenting is not just correcting, advising, comforting and teaching your child how to be a good human, it’s doing all those same things for yourself. I am Delaney’s role model and it’s my job to uphold the standards that I’m putting on her and for that, I am so eternally grateful for the gift of motherhood. That and of course these cute, adorable, hilarious kids I get to call my own.

But back to Delaney, she is so funny. She is still our little creature of habit, incredibly funny and loving, slow to warm up to new people, places and things, the ever-present line leader in all scenarios, has the best balance of any child I’ve ever known (ever since she was tiny), is cautious but brave, reserved yet wild, intensely thoughtful and observant, highly sensitive, empathic to others, competitive, joyful, and with every passing day is showing us her confidence as a strong girl. Delaney loves fiercely — especially Owen Buddy — and her best friends at school. She tends to have several best friends and definitely seems to do best and gravitate toward being in small groups of two with her friends both at school or on the playground. She doesn’t love big groups of anything and will seek out one person that makes her feel safe, whether it’s a specific friend or family member or even acquaintance. Once she’s comfortable, she’s open, free, crazy, funny, and loving.

Current favorite things she does or says:

• Wrong sayings: Head four (forehead), What is this is for? (what’s this for), I men (I am),  Sewl (school), Swirl (squirrel),
• Obsessed with Anna and Elsa and wants to pretend all the time. She is always Elsa and dictates all the things you (or whoever is playing Anna) has to say, which is usually “Say ‘Elsa! Where are you?’ or ‘Elsa, come back!'” and wants a cape and an Elsa braid every day
• Still loves Moana and Elena of Avalor (princess kick around here)
• Her favorite colors are pink and purple — and sparkles. Everything in her life must be one of these things and if they aren’t, she will either pretend they are or refuse to use or wear said item
• Loves “Sfinning dresses”
• “Banastics” is her favorite activity on her favorite day of the week
• Started sleeping in her big girl bed a few days ago and loves it. Loves her room and her pink bed.
• Learned how to pick Owen up and gets her giddy laugh that she can hardly control when she does it
• Is almost 40 inches tall! Somewhere around 33lbs I think.
• Gives Daddy running hugs before work
• Says “You’re not my best friend!!” and stomps away when she’s told she can’t do something one too many times — definitely has some threenager in her:)
• Will give up her nap in the next month
• Loves to sing, dance, perform, and make believe. Also loves sports, but typically doesn’t give something too much of a chance when she isn’t naturally good at it (sound familiar, Jordan Burke??)
• Has a new trick on her scooter and goes faster and faster on it every day
• Foods: She tries new things now that Owen eats and is very proud of herself for her newfound love of broccoli, salmon, shrimp, Pad Thai and…that’s pretty much it but we’re proud of her too!
• Loves the Pinkalicious series and we’ve reinvigorated our love for library book borrowing

This baby keeps getting better and better. I sense a trend coming here after reading some of the Delaney’s monthly updates from this age. While Owen’s babyhood has felt much quicker than Delaney’s, I feel so lucky to have had some special one on one time with him while Delaney is at school three days a week. He is so much fun, so happy, and showing some funny (and potentially major crazy!) personality traits this month.

Owen’s stats (update next week when he has appt)

• Has has two bottom teeth!
• Rolls all over the place
• Can lunge to anywhere, moves around but doesn’t crawl, and cannot be left alone anywhere
• Eats everything – edible or not:)
• Hates baby food, loves people food and has consumed a lifetime supply of Salmon already
• Loves smoothies, broccoli, salmon, chicken, peanut butter, bananas, guacamole, sweet potatoes, eggs, cauliflower, brussels sprouts, but has started to reject zuchinni, carrots, and any other mushy, boring vegetables. Doesn’t really care about fruit, which is opposite to his sister.
• Took two trips (4 more flights adding up to 12 in his life so far) and is a great traveler, but getting a little trickier and bored on planes
• Sleeps great 8:15-6:15 with a random wake up or two overnight for a paci switch. (praise Jesus, I will never ever ever not be grateful for a good sleeper)
• Naps for about an hour at 9 and 2.
• Grabs everything – nothing is safe. High ticket items are Delaney’s curls, my glasses, anyone’s drink, fuzz from the rug, Jordan’s nose and hair, and every single one of Delaney’s toys.
• Fistfuls food into his mouth and it’s adorable
• Learned to drink from a straw and loves smoothies
• Loved the pool in both Florida and Hilton Head
• Ate sand for the first time, loved it
• Gets very tired from the ocean breeze
• Thinks swings are the best and laughs heartily when you push him high or when Delaney gives him an underdog
• Does not usually get a book before bed, which I’m realizing is crazy (considering his sister still gets like a billion) but a habit that was started in our colic days included me reciting two stories I know by heart (10 Little Fingers and 10 Little Toes and The Crown on Your Head) before singing him Twinkle, Twinkle. He’s remarkably easy to put to bed (at least for me…and yes, I should probably have more people do it and no, I probably won’t and no, I don’t care.)
• Nurses 5-6x a day and seems to be eating a *little* less, which is great and sad all at the same time. Gets very distracted by everyone and everything and can’t help himself from squawk/laughing when anyone makes eye contact with him.

By far, our favorite month yet with sweet Baby Owen. Owen is smiley, giggly, sleeps at night (woot woot woot woot), cuddly, roly poly, big cheeked, chubby thighed, hungry, happy, strong, and always has a valid reason for being whiny or fussy. When he’s awake, Owen is curious, alert, and so happy to discover new sounds and sights. He is attached to me, for sure, but he’s still in the phase of being able to be held by other people as long as I’m nearby. He is also OK when we have a sitter or a grandparent here to help…but I need to be totally out of sight for him to handle it. When Owen is sleepy, it happens fairly suddenly and he is very cuddly, rubs his eyes, and starts to whine. This is all normal and great and we feel so lucky to be so far removed from the screaming and incessant crying that filled a lot of the early months.

Biggest changes this month were sleep consistency and eating! He loves food and is a great sleeper at night, but still fusses and fights the naps (though not always). He sleeps from 8:15-6:15 overnight, waking usually at 5 for a pacifier reset for a little while. This is something that NEVER EVER happened with Delaney, who didn’t sleep through the night until 20 months or so consistently, so we are thanking our stars that we knew more this time and saw the sleep consultant when we did. He naps at 9am and 1:45/2pm ideally for about an hour each, though that also doesn’t always happen. He loves to eat everything and we’ve given up trying to separate new foods and he quite literally eats from our plates now. I spend SO much of my life cooking and cleaning, but we waste so little food nowadays that it feels good!

Owen LOVES his big sister and saves his dramatic surprise noise he makes all the time for her in the mornings. He’s always the one to come with me or Jordan to wake Delaney up and she is so happy to see him. They laugh at one another, hug, and Owen is infatuated by Delaney’s curls, which usually doesn’t end well.

This month, here’s what’s new:

• Owen sits and assumes a crawl-like position but still can’t move
• LOVES to stand and can hold onto the couch unassisted
• Loves Mommy, Delaney and Daddy in that order but it’s getting closer and closer (has really grown a very cute bond and love for Jordan in recent months and was SO excited the two times Jordan came home after being away for a few days)
• Still has 0 teeth, but doesn’t let that stop him from eating everything. Gummy smiles are the absolute cutest
• Has rosy cheeks always, which is apparently eczema that we treat not very successfully
• Still can’t handle dairy or soy, gets a major rash and tummy aches
• Grabs my face while he nurses and eats 5-6x per day
• Is pretty much over bath time bc he’s usually tired and wants to eat instead
• Is entertained by exactly 1 toy for however long we are somewhere and is very low maintenance (got it from his Daddy 😉
• Bucks in excitement in his high chair when people are paying attention to him
• LOVES to be tickled, hugged, kissed, snuggled, and paid attention to in any way
• Falls asleep in the car or stroller easily just like his sister, which we are using to our advantage instead of letting it stress us out
• Loves the park and swings and facing out in the Ergo
• Went to MD for Easter and is an incredible traveler just like his sister
• HATES waiting to be fed when he wakes up, being put into his sleep sack before naps/bed, baby food (real food only…wish I’d consulted him before stocking up on overpriced organic purees), being put into headlocks by his sister, being knocked over or robbed of a toy by said sister, and anytime Mommy hands him to someone else and leaves or is around and doesn’t hold or feed him.

We’ve come a long way in the past half year. Owen is the greatest joy in our lives and makes me, Jordan and Delaney beam with joy just when you look at him. He is cuddly, smiley, sweet, and has a positive energy we all could have only dreamed of.

At six months, we have made some AMAZING strides and are getting into a better routine of life. Here’s what’s new:

Height: 27 inches Weight: 18 lbs 9 oz

• On the eve of Owen’s six month birthday, he SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT! For five days prior, Jordan and I worked to cut his overnight feedings and it has paid off. This was a long time coming and lots of effort in sleep scheduling, but we did.
• Owen sits up without support and can roll both ways
• Loves to stand and doesn’t show much interest in crawling
• Ate his first food on his 6 month birthday – Avocado!
• Laughs at all of us, especially his sister
• Is very ticklist
• Still has dusty light brown hair and not much of it
• No teeth, but drooling a LOT so maybe they’re coming
• Eats every 2-3 hours throughout the day and gets very distracted, flipping back and laughing or smiling at whoever is around him
• Got bronchiolitis this month and was on a nebulizer for a week
• Celebrated his first Valentine’s day, giving Delaney a rose
• Spent a week in Florida with Aunt Phyllis and Emme, and got to see all but one great grandparent (4 of them!). This was incredibly special
• Loves the pool and dislikes the wind
• Sleeps in his sleep sack in his CRIB for all naps and overnight. It’s like hitting the lottery.
• Uses his pacifier for sleep, but also kinda hates it

We are coming out of the darkness of Colic and Owen is getting happier, gigglier, stronger, cuddlier, and sweeter with every single day that passes. Owen smiles and giggles easily in response to anyone else’s happy face. He nuzzles his head into whoever’s arm’s he’s in, with a shy smile that melts my heart. He love to look into mine and jordan’s eyes and put his hands on our cheeks with this look of awe like he can’t believe we’re here with him. His love for us and Delaney is so apparent and he’s so expressive with his feelings already. It’s just the best.

Here’s what’s new:

• He can roll (sometimes)
• He can sit unassisted for several seconds at a time and is doing the “crash” on the couch that we love so much (will insert video)
• He loves toys and cries when he drops them or they move out of his sight
• He gets somewhat easily frustrated when he can’t do something
• He is very bouncy and prefers being on his feet (just like his sister did)
• Gets very distracted while nursing and doesn’t want to miss anything
• Lunges at me or a bottle if it is anywhere near a time he is supposed to eat and is showing LOTS of interest in eating food, which is exciting (we are waiting until 6 months)
• Has started to LOVE his Zantac, haha, which is kind of sad because it’s disgusting and just shows he’s always hungry
• Probably eats about 35oz of milk a day, which is a TON
• Has adorably chubby thights and cheeks and the sweetest, softest skin
• Hair is still light brown and very slowly coming in
• Eyes are looking hazel
• Went to Marco Island and got to spend time with all of his aunts, uncle, cousins and Mimi and Big Daddy
• Had his first Christmas! Got some new teethers, toys, and clothes and was a great sport while his sister was wild and crazy
• Had his first Hannukah, and loved watching the candles

This is not a post to invoke sympathy. This is a post to invoke awareness, understanding, and possibly some validity for parents of colicky babies about the realities of this very taxing experience of infancy.

When Owen returned home from the hospital and getting healthy from his bout with Viral Meningitis, he instantly started throwing up a lot. He was always a bit of a “spitty” baby, but that week, our lives changed. He was no longer just spit

Tonight, I sit here shaking with tears in my eyes wondering how I will ever be able to do another day like today. And know that I will definitely have another day like today tomorrow and the next and the day after that. And I have no clue when I’m going to have a better day. The fear of that inevitability and uncertainty at the same time is something I have a very hard time balancing. Anyone would.

I knew I wouldn’t get sleep when I had this sweet baby and I was ready for it (despite knowing it would make me crazy, because that’s what sleep deprivation does). I didn’t think I’d have a screaming baby for 7+ hours a day. I didn’t think I’d have such severe anxiety and post-trauma from the Meningitis that I have nightmares every night. I didn’t think my to do list of keeping this house running would feel so heavy that I’m suffocating. I didn’t think that people close to me would say and do things that make me feel like I’m a failure for feeling like I can’t manage my life better right now. Colic is a sinking feeling when you look around and see happy, smiley babies with rested, showered moms. I didn’t think it was possible for a baby to throw up every single hour around the clock and still gain weight (a blessing, really). I didn’t think that I’d go four days in a row, regularly, without taking a shower because I had to spend each 10-20 minutes of Owen’s sleep or calm to clean, do work for a consulting job I’ve kept during my “maternity leave”, fold laundry, eat something, brush my teeth, pump, look Delaney in the eyes and smile as big as I could to make her feel like I’m here with her for once, call insurance companies and gas companies and doctors to ask questions or resolve issues that have to be taken care of right now, or just plain stare at the wall in silence to recharge for when the crying commenced. I didn’t think colic would change who I am as a mother to my first born. I didn’t think I would have a four month old who I barely know because the majority of his waking hours are so dismal. I didn’t think I could do so much in my life while carrying a screaming baby. I didn’t think I could possibly feel this much guilt about everything all at once.

I just didn’t know what colic meant. And if you haven’t been in the thick of it, it’s impossible to.

Colic is questioning your baby’s health 24 hours a day. Colic is listening to unsolicited advice from anyone and everyone about what you *should* be doing to help your baby. Colic is walking in circles, bouncing, and tensing up trying to make it through another hour. Colic is not being able to think straight, if at all. Colic is a fog horn in your mind while you struggle to complete simple tasks. Colic is the fear of never getting your life back. Colic is feeding your baby every two hours in hopes that maybe’s he just hungry, knowing full well that once the feeding is over, he will scream, throw up, and turn red again and again without fail. Colic is cutting everything out of your diet, offering every medication, seeing every doctor, reading every piece of research, and asking every single question imaginable without an answer.

Colic becomes your life. Getting a break does not exist. Time heals, luckily, and sure, at the end of it all, this time is temporary. We, the mothers with a colicky child, are the lucky ones. This trial will end. And thank God for that. But if you are in the thick of this, know that you are doing everything you can and that it will get better. Know that you are stronger than you think. Know that whatever *break* you are taking for your own sanity is still work and I know that. Most people will not know that and it will hurt when they say it, but if you or someone you know is going through colic, I hope you find solace knowing that I do.

Colic ends and you will come out of this stronger and more compassionate for others than ever before. I had the gift of a stranger who spent hours with me via text and phone to bring me some sense of community during this dark time. If my story can do the same for one person, I will find so much joy in that.