Two kids is absolutely nuts. I feel like I have a hundred children. I feel like I have 0 minutes to spare. I feel like I’m not very good at this. I feel like I was born to do this. I feel like I’m failing and thriving and barely surviving all at the same time.

The postpartum months have been extremely tough on me. For the first three weeks of Owen’s like, we were high on life and I was quite literally high on hormones and the continued adrenaline of childbirth. I knew it wouldn’t last and I prayed I wouldn’t crash, but crash I did. Our first hospital stay with Owen on September 10th changed my life forever. Other than the Boston Marathon bombing, it was the closest I had ever come to one of my very worst fears.

Growing up with fairly serious anxiety at various points in my life, I am forever grateful for a strong foundation in self-awareness. I see myself very clearly and I know when my mind and thoughts are going in directions that aren’t healthy. All that being said, controlling extreme anxiety is very challenging for me (and anyone), no matter how mindful I try to be. Being a mother means my mind and nobody are never, ever doing one thing at a time and more importantly, I am never in a state of ease or relaxation. It’s just the way it is. Parenting is 24/7 and I never fulling appreciated that cliche until I became a parent for the second time. Right now, it’s absolutely 24/7.

But as I said, I was born for this. I’ve waited my whole life to be a Mom and I can’t even begin to describe the kind of love I feel for my babies. Delaney is my first baby and it breaks my heart over and over to see her grow up, while at the same time filling me with so much joy and excitement for each new milestone, each ridiculous saying, and most of all, each new skill that makes her who she is. And sweet baby Owen has had a rough shake these first few months — and I am forever thankful for his health, his cuddly nature, and that sweet, painfully cute smile.

I’ve gotten bogged down with the fog of the first three months with a newborn, but I work really hard to take in the positives too. So, because life is so different right now, I’m working on being thankful for every small victory. At this very moment, both of my kids are asleep. At the same time. And neither of them even screamed to get themselves there. That’s totally nuts and worth celebrating.