Despite the fact that people are pregnant and give birth all. the. time., I will never cease to be amazed by this entire process, by the human body, by the ridiculous number of “side effects” that come along with the growth of a baby, and by how hard parenting and pregnancy can be. I don’t say this to complain, but more to commend the billions of women who have and will go through this journey too. It’s absolutely wild and equally indescribable.

I love pregnancy, as I’ve said, but this time around, it’s been so difficult and far more emotional for me. Between pregnancy hormones and some pre-natal anxiety and depression I’ve had, I’ve been thinking a lot about how it’s coming to an end and as with everything for me, it’s bitter sweet.

What I will miss:

• Watching my body and this baby grow. It amazes me every time I look in the mirror and I have such an extreme appreciation for my health and DNA.
• Doing anything and feeling like superwoman! I really do…even making the beds, shopping for groceries, going to barre class, working…all of it. It’s harder right now and I’m proud of even my smallest accomplishments. So sue me.
• My special, consistent one-on-one time with my girl. Our whole life together is one-on-one or with me and Jordan — other than when we have visitors or friends around. As I’ve gotten more pregnant, I’ve also become less scheduled with our days and I love it, Delaney loves it, and I’m so grateful that my pregnancy has forced us to slow down.
• Delaney’s naps the past few months that have been finally somewhat regular and gives me a chance to relax, sometimes nap, and puts her in the BEST mood so we’re both rejuvenated. I know that this will come to an end soon since someone will always be awake.
• Being pregnant. There, I said it, but I’ve always loved pregnancy and by no means should I considering the symptoms I carry throughout the entire thing. This pregnancy in particular was fairly brutal on my body, but I love to feel this growing baby move, love to imagine what it will be like, and pregnancy gives me such a dedicated time to embrace what I love most about my current life since I know there will be so many changes.
• The baby bump.
• The trust that I should listen to my body and take breaks when I need to.
• The last 2-3 weeks that I’ve indulged in pedicures, yoga classes, massages, naps, hair cuts, and long walks with no real plans or urgent work deadlines — I had this bonus time with Delaney and it was my favorite time then too, even though I can be really uncomfortable, but the bonus time is a gift that I think my body and mind need so much in order to prep for this change.
• Feeling this baby move all day, every day. It keeps me up at night but it’s an incredible feeling.

What I’m excited for:

• Our sweet new baby! It’s such a surreal thing to think and this active, wild baby is going to be loved so much (probably TOO much from its sister) and I can’t wait to see what kind of personality gets added to our home.
• Spending the remainder of our summer nights on the deck in the fresh air with our kids, plural!
• Our first outings as a family and the feeling I know we’ll have when we do it and the inevitable realization that we’re going to be OK.
• Being able to put the baby down instead of carrying it around all the time:)
• Knowing if the baby is a boy or girl and not googling baby names every day anymore.
• No longer living in the state of unknown or panic whether I’m in labor or not
• Focusing on the baby instead of trying to do a million different things on my days when Delaney is in school
• Going for my first run post-baby! I ran for a long time until I got really hurt around 30 weeks, and I have been dreaming of the day since.
• Wearing pants with buttons
• Breastfeeding and spending slow, bonding time with our baby
• Not working for a few weeks
• A margarita and a whole buncha sushi
• Seeing Delaney be a big sister

What I’m Nervous about:

• Labor and Delivery
• SLEEP! Terrified. I don’t handle the lack of it well and we don’t breed good sleepers.
• Breastfeeding pain, time, learning curve…and pain again!
• Figuring out child care when I return to work
• Figuring out how to work with 2 kids
• Learning now to keep my eye on two kids when we’re out
• The startling shock of waking up to a screaming baby over and over and over again:)
• Pumping
• Knowing what kind of help we will need or want
• Delaney’s adjustment

The closer this date gets, the crazier and more surreal it feels. Just a few weeks ago, Jordan and I both thought we’d have an early baby (even though we also totally thought I’d be two weeks late again) and now that I’m a week late, we’re basically back at our normal life, making plans days in advance and acting like we’ve got nothing coming up! Weird stuff but amazing stuff.