As I approach my 30th birthday, I’ve been thinking about where I am in life and how I feel about the life I’ve established. Since grad school alone, I’ve changed so much. I’ve learned so much about myself, have found an independence I never considered having, and most of all, have built some of the best friendships I’ve ever had.

Moving to Boston was a risk I thought would be short-lived. I anticipated coming here for 2 years exactly and moving back to Maryland the day after grad school graduation. But, I didn’t. I stayed and I am so glad I did.

It’s sad, yes, that I’m not near family. But, I strongly believe that had I returned home, I’d have missed out on building so many of the relationships I have here, the independence I’ve gained here, and the confidence I’ve earned here. Growing up, I was the youngest. I had leaders everywhere I went and I was very much a follower. I wanted to follow rules, to be liked, to be good, to be impressive, but also, I often felt I went unnoticed.

I was good at things and came out of my shell a LOT once I was comfortable with someone or something, but I was painfully anxious, painfully shy at times, and never felt cool enough. I think most people feel this way, especially in adolesence. But the way I thought about it then was that I just wasn’t going to be the prettiest one, I just wasn’t going to have the boyfriend, I just wasn’t going to be skinny enough, I just wasn’t going to have the MOST friends, I just wasn’t going to be the All American, and so on. I accepted that I was average, and really, I was OK with it.

Lots of people peak in middle school and high school. It’s not that I wasn’t popular or talented or smart, I just wasn’t the BEST. I always felt like I had to work harder (I often did), and try harder to be liked etc. But when I look around now (mostly thanks to Facebook), I am confident that being “average” or feeling that way at least growing up is what helped me get to this place of peace, happiness and confidence that I’m at now.

I am still 100% anxious, insecure and feel the need to please a lot, but not nearly as much as I used to. And when I look around, the people who had it easy are the ones struggling now. This makes me sad for them and I’m sure they will come into their own over time and that this is just a dip, but this age can be very tough.

My hope for Delaney is that she can learn from my own hindsight (thought I’m pretty sure that’s not possible). I want her to know that no matter how she feels about her life, her friends, her talents, her faults, or anything in between, that she will be OK. Everyone always gets their turn to feel confident and successful and well-liked. It’s just a matter of when you get that shot. There will be times when you don’t feel good about yourself or don’t think you’re ever going to be as impressive as the next person or don’t think you will ever get a companion or great group of friends, but I promise you that you will. I can also promise that I will support you through the tough time but that in order for you to gain the perspective, you will definitely experience a tough time. Everyone does and that’s OK. Knowing what it feels like to be lonely or excluded or put down is tough, but it makes us better people. Without knowing these feelings, we can’t appreciate when we have the opposite.

Be confident, my girl, and when you encounter mean girls or boys, feel isolated from the popular group, have to study hours longer to get a worse grade, or just don’t know why you didn’t make the starting line up, know that these trials will lead you to the person you are meant to be. You are meant to be strong, you are meant to be confident, and you are meant to be happy — all of these things will come. Just be patient. I love you with all my heart.