Most resolutions involve doing more, being better, and accomplishing something more impressive than last year. For me, I should probably do all of those things but at this point in my life, I won’t be able to until I start caring less about BS.

I’m highly sensitive and becoming a mom has made me even more sensitive. Not only do I have to analyze and read into all the things people say or do around me, I now also have to do the same for Delaney (and by have to, I mean I just do because it’s my nature).

I want to protect her and make her feel loved and special at every moment. I want to raise a good human who gives back to the world around her and appreciates all the incredible things she has in her life. I want to raise a self-sufficient member of society who isn’t afraid to take risks and stand up for herself. I want her to be compassionate, sweet, bold, fearless, careful, loving, well-mannered, humble, and happy. And as I think of all my wishes for Delaney, I come back to all my wishes for myself. These are my wishes and goals. I want all of these things for both of us. My thoughts and emotions feel jumbled and I don’t know who I’m supposed to be, what I’m good at, or how to identify as someone other than the Mom I’ve become this past year.

I focus so much on what other people say and what other people do. I yearn for strong relationships with almost everyone in my life and put a ton of effort (often more emotional effort than physical) into making sure I’m liked. This is the thing. I yearn to be liked and that is ridiculous. I don’t like everyone and everyone shouldn’t have to like me but no matter how much I tell myself this, I can’t seem to handle it.

This year, I want to be confident in my relationships because I have a lot of great ones. For those relationships that feel hard, I want to let them settle as they are. For those relationships I miss, particularly the most important one of all between me and Jordan, I want to use the extra time and effort I’ll be saving from those others. I want Delaney and Jordan to get my best self despite how cliche that sounds. I want to prioritize the three of us, prioritize my health (when I am fit, I am happy), prioritize my identity and whatever I decide to make of it, and above all else, I want to care less about the BS. It wastes so much valuable time of mine and for no good outcome.